How to Be a Supportive Moll

But while codependence may be the norm for the small percentage of problem or compulsive gamblers, it doesn't seem to hold for the poker players and their partners that I know.

Many serious, longtime poker players seem to enjoy the support -- or at least tolerance -- of their partners. Take, for example, John and Rhonda Ruby, married for 20 years and parents of two teenage daughters.

John, a 52-year-old defense attorney, plays home games three to four times a month, making occasional trips to casinos. He started playing as a teenager in South Boston, becoming hooked when he won $1,800 in a card game when he was in high school.

"Immediately after that game, I went out to the Charles River Country Club and bought a full set of golf clubs," John says. "Having never played golf."

Rhonda, a 50-year-old audiologist, supports his poker playing and steers clear of the dining room once every eight weeks when the home game comes to their home in an affluent suburb of Boston.

"What do I think of his poker? He loves it, it's great. It's fine," Rhonda says brightly. "I have my book club and my gardening and my photography, and he has his poker."

Rhonda readily acknowledges that she would never join her spouse at the table because of "the bluffing thing. I can't do that." Though she says it can get "boring" after an hour, she prefers blackjack to poker for its straightforwardness, for its clear rules governing what to do with a given set of cards.

"We have totally different attitudes about gambling," Rhonda says. "If I'm up $100 at the blackjack table, I'm out of there ... if I don't win, I don't enjoy myself. I don't like losing the money."

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