APPT Sydney TR Part 1, Swingers
I leave Cade's house in Hawaii at around 6am, heading towards the airport. When I arrive there's already a line at the Qantas desk and I'm worried the flight will be completely packed with my getting some terrible middle seat. I haven't slept all night hoping I'll be able to crash for the majority of my 10 ½ hour flight. When I get to the desk I make small talk with the guy and he asks me if a window seat will be okay
"Uh sure, unless you guys got like an aisle of three open or something like that. I haven't done the whole sleeping thing yet tonight."
"Actually it's rows of a two with a row of four in the middle. Let me check something for you...yep I got a whole row of four I can block off for you so you can lay down."
"Oh sweet man! Thanks so much you're a total life saver."
"Yea, the flights not too booked so this shouldn't be a problem. I'll be over at the gate and make sure this gets sorted out in case there's any issues."
"Cool, well if anyone tries to take the seat you and I will just throw them off the plane."
"Exactly."
Since when did airline employees become so cool?
On the flight I have the entire row to myself and lay out on the wide leather seats. I wind up sleeping for over nine hours of the flight (it still wasn't very good quality) and spend the rest of it reading Bill Bryson's 'A short history of nearly everything.' Did you know our universe is constantly expanding outwards from us? You didn't? Well Einstein did you ****ing retard.
When I arrive in Sydney I check into my hotel, grab a shower, then head down to the poker room to try and watch Lee Nelson's final table in the first event. I get there just a few minutes after he's busted out and go up to his hotel room to meet him and his wife Pen for dinner. We discuss whether we should play the tournament the next day and what affect it will have if we end up final tabling and have to miss a portion of the seminar (as it is a two day tournament.) We decide we'll figure it out later in the night.
We go to what is apparently Sydney's best Japanese restaurant, Yoshi's. It's a fairly small place but the food is outstanding. My course dinner comes with a glass of wine with each round of food, and by the fourth glass of wine I know the evening is not going to end subtly. The whole of the dinner winds up being worth around seven drinks and I'm already flying high when we leave the restaurant.
We grab a cab back to the casino and find Eric Assadourian on the casino floor. He's signed on to do the seminar with us to replace Dennis Waterman and Tyson Streib who couldn't come out for this event. He tells us he wants to meet to do further preparation tomorrow so Lee tells me I probably shouldn't play. Around the same time I run into Jonno AKA 'Monster_Dong' and he tells me everyone is going out and I should come. With no need to get up for the event and already half way to wasted, I quickly agree.
Our party group includes Jonno, Andy McLeod, Julian Powell, DelaneyKid, Jarred Dale, Matt Kirk (he reminds me of Stiffler) and myself. The group is the perfect concoction of youth, alcohol, enthusiasm and dispensable income. We walk over to a huge club in Darling Harbour and pay the ridiculous $70 entry fee. The place is gigantic and has several floors of partying going on. We walk over to the bar, order a round of drinks, and we're off and running. We're on the second floor of the club overlooking the dance floor which leads up to a large stage with girls dancing. Someone makes a comment about the hot girls on the stage
"Man I'm about to run up there and dance with them myself" I say
"Heh yea sure you will" says Julian
"No seriously, I'd do it wanna bet?"
"I'd throw down $100 that" says Jarred.
"Yea I'll take $200 too" say both Andy McLeod and Matt.
"Alright dudes, watch this."
I turn straight around and start walking downstairs like a man on a mission. I walk stiffly through the crowd and squeeze my way up to the front. There's a bouncer guarding the entrance to the stage. I lean in to his ear
"Hey man. I'll give you $100 if I can go up on stage and dance around and **** for like 20 seconds. I'm not drunk or on drugs, I just got a bet going."
The bouncer at first seems hesitant, then asks me to reiterate that I'd pay him $100 (in retrospect, I vastly overshot on the bribe but **** it.)
He leans into me
"Alright mate, $100 for me and $100 for my friend here and you got yourself a deal. I'll come drag you off stage after a little bit."
"You got a deal."
I hand both bouncers $100 and wait for him to give me the signal. He nods his head and I go around the back then sprint up onto the stage which is now empty. There's a crowd of 100's staring at me and I just start yelling
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEEEEEEEA MOTHER ****ERS!!!" and dancing around like a moron then hip thrusting into the air. I lift up my drink and pour it all over my head, yelling the whole time, then start high-fiving everyone in the front row of the crowd. At some point the bouncer comes up from behind, throws his arm around me, and drags me off stage while I yell "NOOOOOOOO!" then say to him calmly as he gets me back stage "Hey man thanks a lot for this."
I walk back upstairs and everyone is in stitches. They pay me off the bet but I agree to a small deduction because I was supposed to dance with the girls, who were no longer on the stage. There is a group of 'Jagermeister' promotional girls standing around in uniforms near us and at some point our group starts chatting to them and McLeod and I are hitting on some blond one (I no longer have any idea how this or many of my conversations that night started.) At some point one of her friends whips out a Polaroid camera and takes numerous pictures of us standing around then making ridiculous faces (they will be posted and soon as I get to a scanner.) They also put temporary tattoos all over our forearms (my partially washed off one is staring at me as I write this.) The blonde girl suggests we drink jagerbombs (****in jagerbombs!) and she, Andy and I walk over to the bar with her and she asks
"So boys are we ordering two drinks or three?"
"Bull****! I'm on to your scam. You can buy me a drink."
"But I don't have any money on me."
"Sucks for us then."
I don't order her any drink and continue attempting to hit on her. At some point I need to get back to my friends and should give her a call some time.
"I actually have a boyfriend."
"Well I don't want to call your boyfriend, I want to call you."
"You should call him, that'd be funny" she says sarcastically.
"Yea that'd be fun" I say then walk off without another word.
The group of us heads up to the outdoor third floor area where people are smoking. There is some cute brown haired girl smoking a cigarette and she looks kind of drunk. I walk up to her and say
"You know you shouldn't smoke, but not for the reasons you think though."
"Huh?" she asks me somewhat intrigued.
"First of all you have great skin and you'll ruin it. Second some very strange ass **** can happen when you smoke. Give me your cigarette for a second and I'll show you something cool."
She suspiciously hands over her cigarette and I start puffing on it without inhaling.
"Now hold out your hands with your palms down."
She accommodates
"No no, clinch them into balls so I can't get in there."
She does.
"You're sure it's tight. Sure I can't get in there? Alright, watch this."
I ash the cigarette onto the top of my left hand, lean over towards it and blow at her right hand.
"Now open that hand I blew at."
She does and there's a large black smear of ash in her hand.
"OH MY GOD! How did you do that!?"
"Maybe I'll tell you if you're nice to me."
I start chatting to her and she tells me she's Maltese. I tell her I have a friend in Malta who tells me it's nice. She tells me I'm lying and trying to impress her. I proceed to tell her all about Assassinato (hi Alex!) She seems pretty interested and we're flirting back and forth when I turn around for a moment to talk to one of my friends and some random guy friend of hers swoops in and cockblocks me (I really don't remember how the transition of this happened.)
McLeod and I team up and start going around the floor chatting to various women. We talk to a couple of blonde girls from Sweeden and things go well enough that the one McLeod was talking to tells him to add her on Facebook.
I go up to a girl outside and attempt the cigarette trick on her. When I take the cigarette she looks at me like a ****ing maniac and tells me "Keep it."
"Your loss" I tell her then walk away back to my friends cigarette in hand
"Why the **** did I take this? I don't even smoke!" I tell my group. Someone calls me an idiot while Matt tries to pick up some girl. Throughout the night people keep handing me drinks and I'm never without a beverage in my hand (I never even got to buy a round and now feel like a cheap ass, next time boys.) I go over to another girl who is cool with my doing the cigarette trick but I somehow manage to screw up the ending and her hand has nothing on it.
"****!" I yell upon seeing her hand then walk off without another word.
McLeod and I go talk to some girl in red out on the porch. She's from Wales and tells me she doesn't like American accents.
"Well I can pull off a convincing Canadian then. I'm from...Toronto perhaps?"
She laughs and the conversation starts getting weird. She tells me she likes being aggressive with men and I say
"You're going to try and rape me aren't you?" (I don't really remember her reaction to this, but she kept chatting to us and seemed to be having fun.)
Things are going fairly well with her and at some point she says she's going over to the dance floor.
"Can I come with you" I ask. She walks off without another word to me and I stand there momentarily wondering what went wrong.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" asks McLeod.
"What? What do you mean?"
"She said you can come if you want. What are you doing?"
"What!? ****! I didn't even hear here. It's too God damn loud in here!"
"Well let's go to the dance floor and see if we see her."
We check over in another room but the club is much too big and we fail to locate her. At some point McLeod and I realize we're getting quite drunk and we should be calling it a night as he intends to play the next day. We tell the other guys we're going to head back and maneuver our way through the crowd out the door. We make the 10 minute walk over to the casino and upon arriving realize it's only 1:30am and that we should see what's happening at the casino bar.
Andy and I start talking to some woman in green at the bar and she responds to my humor pretty well. I have to keep discreetly asking McLeod for his cell phone mid conversation with women so I can try to get their number because mine is out of batteries and I didn't bring my charger. I ask her for her number and she tells me if I see her again that night she'll give it to me. She walks away and McLeod laughs at me. We do not see her again.
We go sit down at a table with our drinks, which are at this point water in an attempt to keep the night from spiraling even more out of control than it's already got and having a horrible hangover. We start talking to some woman at the table next to us. Her response was mediocre (but good enough that I would later write McLeod's number on a napkin, walk over to her table with her friends, smash it down, and walk away.)
McLeod and I hit the casino floor and talk to a pair of hot Asian chicks. They tell us they're here to support their boyfriends. We back off. We approach a couple of hot Mediterranean looking women. They tell us we're very sweet but they're here with their husbands. When did everybody get married God damn it!?
McLeod and I decide to call it a night and try and chug water up in the hotel room. We turn on the TV and find that the WPT is on. We watch as Jim 'KrazyKanuck' worth open raises AK 4 handed with about 30 BB's effective, gets 3 bet out by a somewhat young Asian guy in the SB then goes into the tank.
"What's he tanking for?" asks McLeod.
"I don't know dude. Pretty sure the other guy has to call when he crams. He's practically slowrolling here."
"He's not thinking of folding is he?"
Worth continues to tank, then lifts up his cards and mucks them. McLeod and I both go completely berserk. We start talking about some time McLeod tiny 4 bet me early in the 109 6 max on Full Tilt and I wound up folding queens (either pre or on the flop.) He tells me he probably had air. I tell him he's a bastard and we eventually pass out.
Authors post note: I woke up the following morning thinking I'd totally struck out and McLeod was the only one who got any real contact information out of a girl. DelanyKid told me he later made out with two chicks that night. Matt told me he thinks we should start going to places that don't have a $70 entry because it's mostly chicks boyfriends who pay it and not enough girls there were single. If Julian's girlfriend is reading this, he totally behaved himself. Everyone showed up in time for the event today and Jarred wound up final tabling it, with Chris Evans as well. Much later in the day McLeod messages Jarred and tells him that he has the number for a girl named Kay in his phone which I apparently got. I remember talking to a Kay but no longer have any idea what she looks like. I guess that just adds more gamble to it.
Bond18’s guide to multi accounting
Yes, it's true. I too, am a massive online MTT multiaccounter. I bet you're wondering why I'm bothering to confess to this, perhaps my conscience has finally gotten to me you think? No, not at all, my conscience is as silent as ever, why later this evening I'm even going to go kick puppies for fun, but that's not the point. The point is that I've made enough money from my nefarious enterprises and am soon leaving Australia to retire to Hawaii, living out my days basking in the sun and spending my evenings drunker than Hemmingway. But before I go, I was hoping to impart some knowledge to my fellow multi accounters, who lately have proven themselves to be extraordinary retards who are clearly in need of my help and expertise.
First and foremost, you need to practice misdirection. In order to prevent any suspicion make sure to come out very hard and aggressive against other cheats and multi accounters. No matter how apologetic they are, blast them with insults and threats of violence. You should even exaggerate or make up things if you have to. For example, did you know JJprodigy is a homosexual? Did you know Mr. Casino eats babies in his spare time? Did you know Brian Townsend started the great Chicago fire of 1871? Being impassioned with your hatred towards the exposed multi accounters makes you look like the kind of person who would never stoop to such money grubbing antics. Yes, I know Shakespeare wrote "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" but nobody in poker reads Shakespeare, so don't worry about those cultureless morons.
Second, you need to find a front man. By this I mean you need to find someone who is willing to claim to be winning the tournaments that are won on the other screen names you're playing on, creating another barrier between you and the truth. My mutli accounting peers are complete novices at this, JJprodigy tried to claim it was his grandmother and Mr. Casino said it was the dad of a friend, attempts as pathetic as they are idiotic. The correct way to do this is to hire someone who is believable as a guy who spends his entire life sitting inside on his ass. In my case, I bought the identities of Shaun Deeb and Steve Leonard. I met Deeb at a buffet and offered him a life time's supply of orange soda for the use of his name, and Leonard at a gas station where I offered him as many cigarettes as he cared to smoke for the rest of his days. It's a shame that both will be dead before 30 from a heart attack and cancer respectively, but then their use has expired for me, so I don't really care. After all, I'm a multi accounter, and that means I only look out for number one.
Third, you need to shut off the logical part of your brain. You know, that part that tells you that you could probably make just as much money playing straight given how many dozens of profitable tournaments there are across so many sites. That worthless portion of the brain has been trying to hold we multi accounters back for years, trying to explain that the risk of being caught and our names being forever tarnished and our money confiscated simply isn't worth a marginal increase in edge when we already stand to make more money than doctors and lawyers. Don't listen to its crap, the only true way to attain greatness in poker is to take down Sunday majors, and everyone knows that nobody has ever won a Sunday major without multi accounting.
Lastly, it's best not to out yourself for multi accounting until you're absolutely ready. Doing so preemptively has a way of making you look like a complete fool. When you do out yourself, make sure not to apologize, because nobody will believe you're clearly disingenuous attempt and it will result in even more hatred. It's much better to go out on top, laughing all the way to the bank, just like me. So long fuckers!
Authors note: If you actually thought this was serious then, wow, I suck at sarcasm.
Things it took me a while to learn part 21, Catching bluffs from weak players
The title of this entry into the series must seem odd at first glance. Since when do weak players do all that much bluffing? You're right to think that they don't however amongst weak players (particularly live as there are fewer and fewer weak ones online) there is a tendency towards what I call 'desperation bluffing'. These are bluffs where they've gotten to the river without any real plan for the hand, and now have a holding with zero showdown value so they attempt a bluff because they're out of options. Although most of these players do tend to be weak and passive throughout the hand, they are often willing to attempt one street bluffs, especially if it's the only way they can win the hand. Let's take at a couple of forms of the desperation bluff:
1. The missed draw bluff: This is of course very common. You still see this one pretty frequently online and many players are aware of it. The action for this is mostly goes down; flop call, turn check/check, and a river bluff. It can happen when you're both in position and out of position, but you can expect it a little more when you're in position because if you have showdown value on the river out of position you're sometimes value betting instead of checking to attempt to bluff catch (depending on the strength of your hand and how the board has run out.) So to give an example hand of this concept in use:
Your stack: 4000
MP1's stack: 4000. Blinds 25/50. You hold 9s 9c on the button. MP1 seems on the weak/loose side and has open limped before.
Preflop: Folds to MP1, MP1 calls for 50, folds to you on the button, you raise to 200, folds back to MP1, MP1 calls.
Flop: Js 8s 5c (Pot 475)
MP1 checks, you bet 350, MP1 calls.
Turn: 5d
MP1 checks, you check behind for pot control (against certain opponents you could bet again her for value, but against many others a check is appropriate.)
River: 2c
MP1 fires out 800, you call.
While you won't always be good here, it's pretty obvious that you should call as numerous draws have missed (the flush draw, 67, and 9T.) Against a weak opponent you shouldn't expect him to be value betting worse often, though his showing up with A8s wouldn't be crazy.
When you're out of position on the river whether you should value bet or check to bluff induce depends on a few factors and will partially rely on your hand and pattern reading. If he's the kind of player who peels the flop with any pair and a huge station on the river you can lean towards value betting. If you aren't really sure and don't expect him to pay off multiple streets then check with the intention of snapping a bluff. Now let's take a look at a second situation you can snap off frequent bluffs.
2. When a player is too weak at value betting to have it bluff: These are fun bluffs to call down because when you catch the player you look like a God damn genius when really the reasoning is quite straight forward. Many weak players are quite bad at value betting for fairly obvious reasons; they aren't aggressive and their hand reading is very weak. As a result when they have a hand with showdown value that they're not sure of they tend to check and hope to get to turn cards over. So when a scare card comes that they won't likely have and you check on it, you sometimes see these players attempt to bluff this card and you know that their range is polarized to big hands and air. A good example hand is from a tournament I recently played at Crown Casino during the Poker News Cup.
The tournament was a $2500 AUD buy in event that wound up being more sitngo than proper tournament. The opponent was a local player who is a very nice guy but excessively loose and weak, and capable of occasional bluffs. He regards me as an aggressive thinking player and expects me to continuation bet a high percentage of the time on the flop.
My stack: ~13000, MP2's stack: ~21000, BB: ~15000, blinds 100/200. I hold 7d 7c on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to MP2, MP2 calls for 200, HJ folds, I raise to 800, folds to the BB, BB calls, MP2 calls.
Flop: 8 4 3 rainbow (Pot 2500)
BB checks, MP2 checks, I bet 1500, BB folds, MP2 calls.
Turn: A
MP2 checks, I check behind.
River: T
MP2 bets 2500 and my chips are in the pot about a tenth of a second after his. MP2 has 54 and turned a hand with showdown value into a bluff and asks "How do you call?!" in befuddlement when he sees my hand.
The reason this hand is such an instant call is because I know this player isn't the type to attempt to value bet an 8 against me on the river, especially once the A scare card comes off. I can feel comfortable saying that although it's unlikely he has one; he's also basically never value betting a 10 either. Although he could in fact have an ace because he's so loose, for the most part he's going to either raise himself pre flop or give up on the flop considering I fired into two players.
There are many situations like this, particularly in live play, where some players simply can't value bet unless they are very confident in their hands strength. Against these kinds of players you should be willing to call down their river bets in situations where they often have polarized ranges as they simply can't have huge hands that often.
Ideas for continuation of ‘Things it took me a while to learn’ series
So I did this thread quite some time ago and attempted to to accommodate a number of the requests. As of lately I'm running a bit low on ideas for how to continue the series and realized that really the best way to get an idea of how to go forward is to ask the readers what they want to see out of the series.
2+2 poster 'Bonsaltron' gave me a great idea to do an article on trends and plays in poker that come in and out or have become irrelevant which I think is a great idea that I'll get cracking on immediately, which was the inspiration to ask people what else they'd like to see covered.
Outside of that, what else do people want to see? Feel free to suggest things outside the medium of immediate strategy.
Thanks, Bond18
Too far gone and coming back
Last night is a blur. I know I told Cade and Kari I'd be taking things easy but it didn't quite end up that way. At the point I ended up in a karaoke room full of military guys being told to please help chug their Saki (which I did, straight from the bottle) it was clear that the evening would not end well.
There is getting wasted in the fun sense of the word, where you act silly, do some shit you otherwise wouldn't, and have a more or less harmless evening that you laugh about later with friends. And then there's getting wasted to the point you're sprawled out on the floor with the room spinning so fast you're not sure it'll ever be still again and begging your friends to make it stop. The nights you clutch the toilet bowl and think to yourself "There can't possibly be anything left to vomit can there?" The nights that make you wonder how far gone you've let things go.
Last night was one of those nights, likely the most messed up I've been in my entire life. It was easily the most I've ever vomited. I haven't had anything like it in nearly four years. Most of the time you wake up after one of those nights with a ripping headache, a pain in your stomach, and the mantra of "Ill never drink again." Thanks to chugging a ton of water and vitamins I woke up at 4:30pm without any real trace of a hangover. I woke up knowing I'd one day drink again, but I can't say I have any desire to do it again soon.
What I didn't expect to wake up with was such an enormous sense of clarity. I can't quite explain it, but somehow while going through the process of purging all the physical misery from my system; I seem to have purged my mental demons as well. I woke up feeling calm, settled, yet somehow motivated. I got a considerable amount of writing done today, including adding another entry to the 'Things it took me a while to learn' canon. The entry will appear on Pocketfives first and then be on the blog a couple of days after that. I even played quite a few poker tournaments today, and played patient and well.
I even somehow woke up with a greater sense of confidence (which seems as corny as it is nonsensical.) I used to be a guy so overwhelmingly sure of himself that it felt like I was on a perch I could never be knocked from. As Tucker Max once put it "Having confidence bordering on delusional hubris." Not the most modest term, but you get the point. The last few weeks I haven't been anything close to that, and I suppose what last night made clear for me is that pumping myself full of liquid courage isn't the correct band aid for the mental bruise. Nothing about me has really changed the last few weeks, yet I've somehow felt the need to try to prop myself up with a constant stream of the sauce.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't the end of my drunken misadventures. Not by a long shot. But I've lost my sense of urgency and necessity about them. I feel ready to get back to work, not only in poker but in life. I just proof read this entry, and fuck does it sound pretentious. But whatever, I'm going back to work.
Iceman
Authors note: The following entry has been written while considerably inebriated. Enjoy bitches!
"Hey! Didn't I see you over at Pearl?" I yell at the girl in the striped sweater on the table opposing us.
"Yea I saw you on the dancefloor!" she responds.
"Oh really, how'd I do? Sick moves ah?"
"You...looked like you were having fun."
"Wow, what a polite way of saying I suck huh? You're a real charmer."
She laughs.
"No, if I knew you better I would have come over to ask you for a dance."
I smile and return to the plate of Kalbi in front of me. Across the table Cade sits with his arm around Keri, laughing at me for my bluntness.
"The fuck are you laughing at Cade?" I half shout at him. He and Keri continue to laugh at me.
Prior to our ending up in the 24 hour Korean BBQ restaurant 'Sorabol' the three of us had attended the nightclub 'Pearl' at Honolulu's largest shopping center. I'd pumped myself full of alcohol and made a pass at numerous women in between attempts at dancing with Keri, who was much too skillful for me on the dance floor. As a result I mostly stood in her proximity moving my hips awkwardly while she danced circles around me, occasionally grabbing her hand to spin her haphazardly. At some point a blonde girl molested me and my suit on the dance floor and I danced with her briefly before she brushed me off. I'm not sure why.
Now we find ourselves in the aforementioned Korean BBQ with my attempting to chat up the girl in the white and orange striped shirt on the table across from us. I doubt I'm making much sense.
"Yea well next time you see me around make sure to ask for a dance."
She giggles and nods.
The cool and social middle aged waitress comes over and asks us what we got up to tonight. I inform her that the three of us were out clubbing.
She looks at Keri and Cade "You two are a couple yes?"
They laugh and nod
"Then where is your date Tony?" she asks me.
"She left me about a month ago" I answer with a smile and laugh.
"She think you were too perfect huh?
"Hahaha! Thanks. Yea, that was the problem. She knew I was too perfect."
She laughs and pats me on the shoulder and walks off.
I keep rambling at Cade and Keri and at some point demand to know how long Cade thinks I could keep my hand in the large jug of ice water on the table.
"I put the over/under on about three minutes."
"Done. Twenty then?"
"Okay, twenty."
I stand up, rip my tan jacket off, roll up my sleeves, and cram my hand into the jug of ice water. If cold could burn, this is what it'd feel like. It burns worse than anything I can remember since getting tear gased.
"Ooooooooooh God it fucking hurts Cade! FUCK YOU!"
Cade and Keri laugh at my hysterically. After about 45 seconds I rip my hand out.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Why did I agree to that!? I was never gonna come close to three minutes!"
"Ship it!" yells Cade while he and Keri laugh at me.
"Man fuck all of you."
'Iceman' was a nickname Celina used to call me, more insult than anything for my lack of emotions no matter the circumstances. Just after a couple of days of knowing me, without any knowledge of the history, Cade gave me the same nickname. I'm not really the most expressive guy, and I tend to cover any discomfort or thoughtfulness with insulting sarcasm.
About 20 minutes later I start pestering Cade about adjusting the line as to how long I can keep my hand in the ice water.
"Two minutes" he quotes.
"Hell fucking no. No way I can keep it in there that long. I barely lasted 30 seconds last time."
"You lasted like 45 seconds. A minute thirty."
:"No. Hell no. One minute Cade."
"A minute ten."
"Man fuck you! One minute!"
"No."
"Come on Cade! Come on! Coooooooooooooome on!"
"No Tony."
"COME ON CADE! I bet the guy at the other table would take this action."
"Why don't you ask him then?"
"Fine." *I turn to the other table* "Hey man, you wannna bet me I can't keep my hand in this ice water?"
He looks at me suspiciously and answers
"Nah I don't think so."
The girl next to him in a black dress looks at me and says
"Why are your pants pulled up so high?"
"Man...why you gotta be such a hater?" I retort.
"I'm not hating, I'm trying to do you a favor."
I stand up and push my pants down as low as possible.
"Okay fine! Just for you! Cade, come on man, a minute and five seconds. Let's do this shit! Ten dollars! No matter what you'll be up ten."
"Alright fine, ten dollars Tony."
"Yes! Boo yah! Let's do this shit"
I leap up again, roll up my sleeves and demand Cade get ready.
"What are you doing Tony!?" asks the approaching waitress.
"Proving a point!"
I roll up a napkin and smash my right hand into the frozen water.
The other table and the waitress proceeds to laugh hysterically at me. The ice water burns my hand horribly. I do my best to play it cool and keep cracking wise throughout the process.
About 30 seconds into the bet I roll up the napkin, yell "This is what I look like when I have sex!" and cram it into my mouth and start laughing. The restaurant is in hysterics.
Forty-five seconds later I have destroyed the mark but keep my hand in the water.
"Come on Cade, let's see how long I can go then!"
My hand isn't properly frozen, but I still look like an iceman. A few seconds later I pull it out and laugh at Cade.
"I coulda kept going a long time."
After paying the bill I stand up and start walking out the restaurant. A thought occurs to me and I turn around to face the table that was next to us.
"Hey! Black dress!"
I crank up my pants as far into my abdomen as they'll go and walk out of the restaurant bow legged.
Authors 6 hour later post note: Ow, my fucking head.
Ambition, professionalism, obsession, and a crude drawing
I am an ambitious person. In many people that's a quality, but I've seen what mines done to the point that I know it's much closer to a fault. If I had to settle on anything, I'd call it a double edged sword. The problem is that my ambitions border on obsession. I become so single minded in accomplishing something (and only in a manner which I feel is best) that I neglect and eliminate anything around me that'll get in my way. It can be as effective as it is self destructive. People sometimes tell me they wish they had my motivation and discipline, but those come with a price that's harder to see.
A friend in the industry sent me a message today about my entry yesterday and the drawing attached to it which read:
" Hi Tony,
I'm a great supporter of yours, both personally and professionally, and I think you're one of the brightest guys I've met in the poker ecosystem. I'm sure with your bravado, charisma and intellect you could conquer any challenge you ever set for yourself inside our outside of the poker world. If you were ever looking for a job, it would be my pleasure to employ you; and I would always be up for having some or many drinks.
All that being said, I just want to share my concern with you about today's blog post. The cartoon at the end is pure highschool bull****. It's the type of thing that makes you look bad professionally (in ways you'll never find out about, but which will affect you if you ever want to be more than a player), and personally (I know you're not just an overgrown-frat-boy). You're now a high-profile public figure in the online poker player community and it's obvious you're trying to transcend that, and I think what you've done is a mistake.
If it's therapeutic for you to write about your breakup, then go for it - but be careful of invisible lines that you can cross without ever knowing it. If I were you I would try to republish that post without that cartoon.
That's it. I wish you well."
I responded to him with:
" I really appreciate the message and any advice you have to offer on the situation. I wondered about what kind of message that drawing would send as I was creating it and have been wondering about my degree of visibility in the poker world in general. Most of what I've been wondering is whether any potential I have to go beyond being 'just a player' is something I'd even be interested in if it meant censoring myself or changing myself in the slightest degree.
When I got into this game I did it because I simply loved to play. At some point in the last year or so I think I lost sight in that. The conclusion I've come to is that I simply have no aspirations in this industry outside of being an excellent player and remembering who I am. What I loved most about this occupation is I always felt like I could do or say whatever I wanted (obviously outside the criminal degree) and there wouldn't be consequences when it came to my earning power. All that really mattered was that I played well and did so with integrity. Simply grinding online MTT's is easily worth in excess of $250,000 a year and it disgusts me that at some point I thought that wasn't enough for me, particularly for a job with as much freedom as this has. What I'm truly concerned about isn't my professional potential, but whether my greed and ambition has run amok.
When things fell through with Full Tilt they actually offered me a position to keep writing my blog for them for considerable pay, at least so for simply writing a blog. I declined because I realized I simply didn't give a damn about the money (among other reasons.) I wrote the blog because I enjoyed putting whatever I thought/felt into it and the idea of having to censor it just so I could take a paycheck doesn't jell with who I am. I sometimes wonder if the only reason I have a popular blog and some degree of notoriety is because I'm willing to put such ridiculous and absurd things in it, including admitadly immature and crude drawings. More importantly, I realize that being overly concerned about what my readers think is a fallacy to the whole reason I have the blog. I have the blog because I enjoy writing it. If nobody read it, I'd still write it.
If doing all this means no poker site would dare touch me than it's simply the price for being who I am. I'm happy with the money I make and my place in this world and industry and I'm not sure why I ever became interested in doing anything else. All I ever really wanted was to be a good player and make a living at this. If one day that becomes an impossibility than I imagine I'll go get a job where I feel like I'm doing something good with myself, like being a firefighter or something where I felt like I could be myself and do something honorable.
Lastly, I want to reiterate that none of this message was supposed to sound confrontational or arrogant, but upon rereading it I think it partially comes off that way. I have a huge amount of respect for you and what you do and have written so in the past and will continue doing so. I genuinely appreciate you're trying to offer a helping hand. It's also worth noting that this PM may appear in my blog as I think it clarifies a lot of my thoughts and feelings on the topic, but I will obviously edit out your name.
Cheers, Tony"
I had a long talk about Lee Nelson about not only this correspondence today, but professionalism vs. ambition in the poker industry in general. Of everyone in the poker industry, I'm not sure there's anyone whose advice I have more respect for than Lee.
Lee realized the truth of the situation. I had a friend who recognized the ambition in me and tried to give me a helping hand, and my response was essentially "To hell with it, I do shit my way or not at all." Don't get me wrong, I feel like I did make a lot of valid points in my message back to him, but at the core of things I was lying. Not in the intentional 'I think I can get away with this lie' but the kind of lie where you know something and don't really want to admit it to yourself. I know my ambition in poker goes beyond just playing. If all I ever wanted was to play the game and make a healthy living then why would I have ever wrote so many articles about the game? Was I just trying to make things harder on myself for amusements sake? Clearly I had an interest in teaching and discussing this game. I also think it's pretty obvious from a number of things I've written that I also care about the games image. If what I really wanted was to make money and behave however I damn well chose I'd tear down my blog, delete the 'things it took me a while to learn' series, quit the poker seminars, and never post on 2+2 again.
I've never liked the idea of 'professionalism'. I don't like censoring myself just to please a more formal and rigid set of guidelines. That said my friends knew what I didn't want to admit, you might be the smartest guy in the room but if you're dressed as a clown nobody is going to listen to you (I'm not claiming to be the smartest guy in the room, I think the spelling in message will prove that.) I stand by my remarks that I wouldn't edit my blog just to take a paycheck. But I would edit it if something in it damaged my ability to be credible.
In the end Lee thought the drawing was funny, but agreed that it was immature and unprofessional. He didn't tell me to take it down, but made a recommendation. He didn't want to see my being a wise ass hurt my ability to do the poker seminars we work on together (which I truly enjoy) and I'd hate to give them up too, particularly after putting in so many hours into crafting them. So the drawing is down.
There are too many examples of people who have tried to give me advice but my ambition and arrogance have prevented me from listening. I still remember arguing with my parents about playing poker instead of getting a job. Sure they were wrong that time, but it's not like their hearts weren't in the right place. There are more examples like that than I care to remember or rehash. So I apologize to everyone who offered me a hand and got the finger in return.
Bond18 the author
I've been kind of adrift for the last few days. I haven't really been doing much of anything, and I didn't even bother to play on Sunday for the FTOPS ME. In total, I played a single FTOPS event. I couldn't even tell you what I've done since my last blog entry outside seen some funny movies, had some good meals, and killed time at the beach. The last couple of days I've developed a minor cold, but it's nothing serious.
One strange aspect of going through a major break up is you wind up thinking to yourself "Well, now what?" It tends to sap your motivation and in many cases leaves people hiding inside for weeks or months at a time with junk food in one hand and a computer full of recently downloaded pornography in the other, alternating between gorging, jerking, and crying (bonus points if you accomplish all three at once.) I don't have that kind of capacity for drama or misery, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was feeling unmotivated and confused as to what to do with myself.
For the first time in a long time the world is truly my oyster. I have my youth and health. I have enough money that I can create a life wherever I want. I have a job that let's me live wherever I want. I have some degree of talent in poker and in writing (not trying to be an ego maniac here, but I'm pretty sure I don't suck at poker.) Thanks to online message boards I know people in cities around the world, even if informally. I have absolutely zero responsibility or limitations. Most of all I feel I have the opportunity to make some kind of impact in my profession, to do something respectful.
So with that I've decided I want to write a book on poker tournament strategy. It'll be based on the 'Things it took me a while to learn articles' (which I now feel a new commitment towards continuing.) But because it's me and I can't possibly do anything in a normal or straight forward manner, I want it to be a strategy book filled with various anecdotes and humor where appropriate. The challenge for me (outside of having to put in a shit ton of work) is trying to prevent the book from being too esoteric and incomprehensible to the casual reader, so I imagine I'll have to submit it to a few people less experienced in the online world first.
I'll also need to go back and ask my various contributors through the articles if they're okay with their words being used in the book. Considering the guys I've had work with me I doubt there will be any issues since they are all so awesome and easy going, but it seems respectful and honest to check with them first.
My plan going forward is to use the articles as a blue print for the book but it'll need better organization. I'll also need to add a ton more content in order for it to be worth purchasing the book instead of just reading the articles. In some cases it's difficult to explore a topic more thoroughly than some of the guide lines I wrote, so in those cases I'll be coming up with a shit ton of examples in order to illustrate them. Take the stack sizes article for example, outside of clarifying a few things there I don't think the basics of what's been written in the article have changed much or can be further clarified. However, adding a bunch of examples there would help to fill out the ideas and would add value to the section.
I might put examples of chapters up on the blog or forums to ask people for feedback and find out what they'd like to see more of or how they'd like things further clarified. I hope this will result in creating a book that people will feel actually addresses their questions. I also feel it's very important that I stay true to my style in the book; otherwise nothing separates this from any number of the other quality texts out there which are high on technical and mathematical information pertaining to tournaments. I imagine having the book laden with sarcasm and occasional insults might reduce its overall professionalism, but I'm not writing this thing because I think I'm some professional author. I'm writing this shit because I want to and because I finally feel driven again.
So if there are any suggestions, comments, ideas, topics, or issues you want to seen addressed in this book, please let me know about it here. I'll do my best to accommodate.
Things I sort of remember from last night part 1
I just woke up and it's past 2pm. Thanks to Cade forcing vitamins and water down my throat last night I don't have any form of hangover and will likely live out a similar evening out tonight. What did I get up to last night? Um, it's a bit of a blur, but with the help of Cade here's what I do remember, in semi chronological order:
1. First we went to a place that had live music. I went to the bar and got a beer while Cade stayed talking on the phone to Rachel. The WSOP final table was on TV and the people next to me were chatting to the bartender about how 22 year old Peter Eastgate now has nine
2. I handed the phone back to Cade and walked over to the nearby 'Hooters' which was apparently having live music and $5 pitchers that night. I ordered what turned out to be a gigantic pitcher of 'Blue Moon' beer and sat down and started drinking alone while Cade finished his conversation. Cade came over when I was about a third through the pitcher and since he was driving the responsibility for drinking all of it but one glass came down to me. We sat there for a while drinking then realized there was not going to be any live music and instead we were just hanging around a bunch of douches at 'Hooters'. I finished the pitcher and we headed off.
3. We went over to a club which was actually very cool. It had a downstairs bar, hip hop dance floor, then sectioned off area for salsa dancing. Upstairs they had booths and several pool tables, where Cade and I bought five games and I kept ordering screw drivers. There weren't many people in the bar so we decided I'd keep drinking for an hour and play pool to see if anyone showed up. As it turned out the only people who showed up were dancing over to the salsa area, and seeing as I can't dance salsa and it was super loud in there we had no reason to stick around.
4. We went over to another club by a mall and it turned out to be an Asian night. I was one of like three white dudes there and the place was packed. I kept drinking and the stuff really started getting to me. I vaguely remember hitting on numerous girls in the club, opening with the line "You know I have that exact same skirt and almost wore it tonight, that would have been so embarrassing." It was pretty much impossible to hold any level of conversation as the bar was super loud. I remember hitting on one of the girls behind the bar at some point (also known as suicide) and being told she had a boyfriend. The club had two polls up on a stage where dudes with a microphone were yelling various shit as girls in bikinis danced around them. At my drunkest I told Cade I was going to get up there and strip tease one of the polls. I jumped on the stage and yelled something at the dude up there about my intentions and started throwing myself around the poll. He told me he was just about to take the poll off the stage and I need to get the hell out of there. Cade got a couple of blurry pictures of it which I'll upload soon.
5. Cade and I went over to the all night Korean BBQ place at which point I was belligerently drunk. Cade did his best to keep me from doing anything retarded and my entire visit there is kind of a blur, though I do remember thinking the Kalbi was so incredibly delicious.
6. Cade took me home and started pumping water and vitamins down my throat while we had a long discussion about anime porn and how crazy it is that Johnny Depp somehow looks 27 despite being 45. I'm under the impression that I was not making a lot of sense.
So that was my evening. Hopefully there's more of the same today and tonight. Also, we saw the new Bond movie was an action packed and respectable entry into the Bond canon but lacking in the wit and flair that we've come to expect in Bond films. Either way, I enjoy this new variety of Bond who feels like a constant legitimate threat to kill someone and Daniel Craig made another good showing in the roll.
Help give Bush and the UIGEA the “FUCK YOU” they deserve
As pretty much everyone reading this knows, the UIGEA regulations are out, the Bush administrations last attempt to restrict your personal freedoms before his abomination of a presidency comes to an end. For decades to come our country will look back and question how we ever came to elect a bungling, mongoloid, freedom hating retard like Bush twice and some of the damage he’s done to our countries international reputation and respect will take even longer to reverse.
I’m not one of these people who think Obama is going to swoop in and be the cure all to both the problems of poker players and the nation as a whole. I don’t know how Obama will function as president, but I am hopeful. What I do know is that we have nowhere to go but up. Obama is in the fortunate position that so long as he doesn’t fire a nuclear missile into the center of London pretty much whatever he does will look better by comparison to his predecessor. We all need to make our voices heard about our feelings on the UIGEA and I urge you to go over to this link and take a couple minutes out of your day to let the incoming administration know what you think: http://www.pocketfives.com/poker-forums/7/Fight-UIGEA-with-Obama-and-the-transition-team-3555389?PageIndex=1
Now that I’ve done my complaining/nagging let’s have fun with an equally relevant but much more hilarious link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSE_saVX_2A
In other news, the new James Bond movie is out today and obviously I am going as soon as possible, though first I have to get to the gym and ‘sculpt my guns’. It’s a Friday night and I plan on getting wasted and behaving like a jackass so hopefully when I write tomorrow I have something hilarious to report.