Aussie Millions Trip Report Part 4, Hey Sluts!
I woke up on Saturday after three hours of strange sleep. I didn't feel hung over per say, but I wasn't feeling great either. Despite being so drunk I could remember very little of the previous night at 'Eve' I at least had the good sense to drink a considerable amount of water at the end of the night. I hung out on the computer for a bit then Chris came over to the apartment to meet up for the drunken kickball classic. We went down to the apartment Watts and Timex are staying in, and were regaled with stories from the previous night that only Timex can remember.
We got to Albert Park half an hour late with a new soccer ball and two slabs of beer in tow. All in all we got 16 participants, all running around in the middle of the park in the searing heat chugging booze constantly, the only rule having been that a beer in hand or within close proximity was mandatory at all times. I was a captain opposing Watts. The game resulted in 21 to 16 loss, several fall downs, one dislocated finger, and a shit ton of laughs.
After the game someone came up with a challenge that I, Atimos, and Timex all accepted. We were told to sprint to a tree about 50 meters away, run around it, then come back and chug a beer. When "GO!" was yelled Timex and I sprinted in front of Atimos who by the time we were racing back towards the start was considerably behind. Timex and I cracked open our beers and attempted to start chugging. Timex got considerably through his then fell to the ground spitting up the beer in a manner that looked like a mix of vomiting and laughing. I attempted to drink the beer but didn't get as deep because I was still breathing heavily and the thing tasted beyond awful. Atimos got back to the line and paused for a moment to catch his breath before cracking open his beer and downing it, crushing us both in a massive come from behind win.
After the game we all stumbled over to the St. Kilda beer garden and continued the drinking. My three hours of sleep started to catch up with me and I lost the party drive. I decided to head back to the apartment where many of us met up and smoked a joint that Zach and Ethan were cool enough to provide, seeing as most of Melbourne had gone dry. Most of the group headed off in their separate directions, with Watts, Timex, and Atimos staying around to go out and meet some girls I knew at a club. We'd met them at the Teppenyaki restaurant in Crown when I remarked to the chef that "You got stuck with the wrong room dude, the other's full of girls." He asked if we wanted to meet them, and seeing as it was a group that consisted of 14 men and zero women we most certainly did. He went to the next room, asked the girls if they wanted to meet some men, and then waved me over. Lloyd and I went into the room, and five minutes later had convinced them to meet us for drinks later in the night. That lead them to inviting us out to 'Motel' on Saturday for one of the girls birthdays.
Unfortunately by the time we set out Atimos was off his face drunk, which was going to cause more mayhem than I knew at the time. I'd called the clubs owner earlier and asked if it'd be cool if I brought some friends down to his place tonight. He said it would be so long as I didn't bring too many guys and waited to call him until 12:30.
When we got into the taxi the driver immediately began talking crazy shit. He pointed at some girls on the sidewalk and said something like "Hey, take a look at those pussies" in some strange accent I couldn't place. Atimos in all his drunken enthusiasm went nuts for it and started encouraging the cab driver to keep talking, which he was happy to accommodate. He asked us what we were up to tonight, and when we told him we were going to the club 'Motel' he told us "All you need to do to get the sluts in that place is walk up to them and say 'Hey sluts, I have a big dick!'" Atimos thought this to be the greatest idea ever and started yelling "HEY SLUTS!" out the window at people when we drove past or were at intersections. At some point the taxi driver goes on a rant about Laura Bush, which prompts Atimos and Timex to ask simultaneously, "Is she a slut?!" By the end of the cab ride Atimos was so completely out of control yelling "HEY SLUTS! I HAVE A BIG DICK!" that even the cab driver seemed weirded out, and he was a fucking weirdo to begin with.
By the time we go to the club the night was careening out of control. As I approached the bouncer to discuss our gaining entry Atimos began approaching random woman and yelling "Hey sluts! I have a big dick!" They were not pleased with this approach. Meanwhile the bouncer told me that he wouldn't be letting any more guys in. I dropped the owners name and asked if I was on the list, which I was not. I attempted to call the owner but he didn't pick up. About that time three of the girls we were meeting came outside and I explained the situation to them. Immediately afterwards Atimos began intensely questioning them
"Hey what if a guy came up to you in a club and said 'HEY SLUTS! I HAVE A BIG DICK!'?"
"That wouldn't work" they replied coldly.
"Atimos had a lot during the kickball game today girls, he's had a big one is all" I elaborated. They did not seem calmed by my explanation. Atimos was still quizzing them about being sluts and his big dick.
Eventually the girls took us back to the door but the bouncer still refused us entry. I felt incredibly stupid at that moment, particularly since I'd told them that I know the owner. I told them not to worry about it and the four of us guys walked off and found a cab to take us to 'Stalactites' in the city. We parted ways and I went over to 'Amber' to meet the girl I'm seeing, so it ended up being a pretty damn good night.
On Sunday I relaxed and walked around awkwardly on legs that burned with soreness in revenge for my not having stretched before the kickball game. On Monday morning I threw on a suit and made my way down to the Crown for the main event of the Aussie Millions.
Unfortunately, I have since lost the sheet of paper I used to record the hands that day. However, I remember a few of the key ones which I'll go over.
At the start of my day my table was seven handed with Australian players Grant Levy, Jason Grey, and Max aka 'SoStandard' online. The first major pot came up against two of them:
My stack: ~24,000, Max: ~20,000, Jason Gray: ~22,000, blinds 50/100. I held KdKc on the HJ, we were 7 handed.
Preflop: Max raised to 300 UTG, 1 fold, I reraised to 1100, it folded to Jason in the SB, Jason called, BB folds, Max called.
Flop: 4d 9c 9h
Jason checked, Max checked, and I checked behind as Jason's flat call pre flop was very suspicious and I realized that if I bet the flop and got checkraised I would absolutely hate my life.
Turn: 6d
Jason checked, Max checked, I bet 2200, Jason called, Max thought for a bit and called.
River: 2d
Jason checked, Max checked, and I thought it over and fired 4200 for value, Jason called, Max folded. I tabled my KK and Jason showed me his AA.
As the day progressed I found myself often three betting the late position open raises of Max. He probably thought I was fucking with him, but the two times I'd three bet him before our major pot I had KK and AK. The third time I did it things got more involved.
My stack: ~26,000, Max: ~20,000, blinds were 150/300 with a 25 ante. I held AdKc in the SB.
Preflop: It folded to Max on the CO, Max raised to 900, button folded, I raised to 3000, BB folded, Max thought it over and called.
Flop: Tc 8d 2c
I bet 3500, Max called.
Turn: 5c
I checked, Max bet 3000. I thought about perhaps check shoving, but I thought Max's range for betting here was hands that were either huge or quite weak and that I had a clean 15 outs and would just wind up spewing most of the time I check shoved and he called, so I called.
River: 5d
I checked and Max checked behind then tabled 8h7h. Fuck me for not having shoved the turn.
The very next hand I was involved again against a very weak and recreational player who limped quite often:
My stack: ~16,500, CO: ~24,000, blinds 150/300 with a 25 ante. I held KcQc on the button.
Preflop: It folded around to the CO, the CO limped for 300, I raised to 1200, both blinds folded, the CO called.
Flop: 9c 3d 2h
The CO checked, I bet 1300, the CO called.
Turn: 8h
The CO checked and I checked behind.
River: As
The CO checked, I bet 3500, the CO called and showed me A4o.
After that things went from bad to worse. I lost nearly every small pot I played and eventually wound up getting moved tables. I put a nice suck out on a guy when I made an in position go and go that turned into calling his stop and go and having 6 outs with my overcards. Unfortunately, I continued to lose every pot I entered after that and I found myself consistently short stacked and much too flop dead to accumulate chips. Eventually I found a decent spot against the very aggressive Australian player Emad Thatou, who with a decent sized stack open raises many pots.
My stack: ~7900, Emad: ~40,000, UTG+1: ~35,000, blinds 200/400 with a 50 ante. I held 8d8c on the button on an 8 handed table.
Preflop: Emad raised to 1100, UTG+1 called, it folded to me on the button, I shoved about 7900, it folded back to Emad, Emad folded, UTG+1 thought briefly and called with KQo.
Flop: A J 4
Turn: T
I tapped the table, wished everyone luck, and quietly walked off. I have yet to get out of the first day in the Aussie Millions main event alive.
Aussie Millions Trip Report Part 3, Traffic
I knock on the door of that apartment Timex and Sirwatts are staying in. They got here yesterday and decided to stay in the same apartment building as me for the duration of the Aussie Millions and a few weeks afterwards, giving me access to people to challenge to 2am games of Madden when the mood strikes me, which is often.
When we arrive at the casino they inform me they need cash for the buy in before they're able to get money off Gary Benson via transfer. I've brought $10,000 with me today (just in case) and wind up loaning them over $4000 of it. Hopefully things don't go very wrong. I get my tournament receipt and walk over to my table which is currently playing three handed as I'm a couple minutes late. I've drawn seat four. Sitting on my direct right in seat three is none other than notorious and prolific online cheat, Josh 'JJprodigy' Fields.
I'd wound up sitting next to him during a preliminary event at last years Aussie Millions. I had a fairly long and cordial chat with him where I told him that I didn't approve of his actions (obviously) but that if he goes straight, plays it modest, attempts reparations, and never gets in the slightest out of line ever again he just might find acceptance at some point in the future. As many know, after he left the Aussie Millions he went straight back to multi accounting, then leading up to the PCA and Aussie Millions this year yet again attempted to issue an online apology. My opinion this year is that he can go fuck himself.
When I sit down I say nothing and sit there playing quietly with my body language angled away from him. At some point he turns to me and asks a question I barely listen to. I glare at him briefly then answer "I don't know man" coldly, then turn in my seat so my back is literally facing him and continue playing sitting sideways in my chair. At some point someone throws a tiny balled up piece of paper at him.
By the time the table gets seven handed the line up is myself, JJprodigy, Sorel Mizzi, Eric Assadourian, Grant Levy, and two guys I'm less familiar with. Grant and Sorel are getting it all in preflop blind. I'm mostly card dead and unable to take advantage of the loose play outside getting involved in a few small pots which I lose nearly unanimously. The first major pot I play I see a flop from the BB with 4c5c in a multi way raised pot. The flop comes A 6 3 with a club and I check-shove over a continuation bet and get called by A9 which holds. I double rebuy then shortly thereafter look down at AA when Sorel open shoves blind. I hold over his rags and double up to nearly 6000 in chips. Those are the only pots of interest I play the entire rebuy period, and when it's over I take the double addon and increase my stack to nearly 9000, putting me in for $6150 total.
When we return to play I sit tight for a while before playing a considerable pot with Sorel:
My stack: ~9200, Sorel: ~13,000, Eric: ~5,000 blinds 50/100, I hold 7h6h on the button
Preflop: Sorel raises to 275 UTG, folds to me on the button, I call, Eric calls in the SB, BB folds.
Flop: Qh 4c 3h
Eric checks, Sorel bets 550, I call, Eric folds.
Turn: Th
Sorel thinks for quite a while then bets 1375. I consider my options and although I would raise against many opponents I think that the stacks, the texture, and my image are such that there is basically no way Sorel pays off against me with a worse hand so I call intending to call a river bet even if another heart hits and cram over a bet otherwise.
River: Kd
Sorel checks, I think for a bit then fire 3250, Sorel tanks for a while then reluctantly folds.
The line up on the table makes accumulating chips pretty difficult, though it's certainly interesting play to watch. It's not until the next level that I get involved again:
My stack: ~10,000, Grant: ~16,000, Sorel: ~11,000, blinds 75/150 I hold 5s5d in the BB.
Preflop: Two folds, Grant raises to 525 in MP1, 1 fold, Sorel calls on the HJ, folds to me in the BB, I call.
Flop: Jc 7c 5c
I check, Grant bets 1250, Sorel folds, I grab the majority of my chips (about 9000) and throw them in leaving a few hundred behind, Grant tanks and calls.
Turn: 5h
I throw my last few hundred in and Grant calls. I say politely "I've got the nizzles son" and table my quads. Grant shows JsTs and starts berating himself for his flop call. I take out my note sheets and start writing and he asks me to let him have it in the blog for his call.
Just an orbit or so later I'm involved again:
My stack: ~20,000, Eric: ~10,000, blinds 75/150 I hold 9h9d on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to me on the CO, I raise to 400, Eric reraises to 1100 on the button, both blinds fold. I know I certainly can't four bet for value against Eric because he doesn't get it in nearly as light as an online player and we're too deep. I also know I can't fold since Eric is in fact capable of 3 betting light or other weird hands here. I'm stuck calling, the lesser of three evils. I call.
Flop: 7d Qc 7h
I check, Eric thinks briefly and checks behind.
Turn: 9c
I bet 1700, Eric quickly raises to 4000. I look over at his stack and realize that if he's bluffing there's no way he'll put the rest in on the river if I flat this, so I'm better off hoping he was slow playing on the flop and cram. I move in and Eric tables AsKs face up and folds. It's not long before Eric and I get tangled up again:
My stack: ~25,000, Eric: ~7,000, HJ: ~20,000, UTG: ~4,000, blinds 75/150 I hold JdTd in the SB.
Preflop: UTG raises to 350, folds to HJ who is a loose/weak player who calls, folds to me in the SB, I call (I'm clearly never calling here if HJ doesn't call), Eric calls in the BB.
Flop: Tc 6s 8s
I check, Eric checks, UTG checks, HJ bets 750, I call, Eric shoves, UTG folds, HJ folds. Eric is the type of player to defend a huge range of hands from the BB in this spot, so everything from draws to combination hands to two pair are in his range here. "There's a lot of draws out there Eric, I call." Eric tables 6To and I need to suck out.
Turn: 2
River: Q
I gain a few chips back shortly thereafter when I donk into a weak player on the turn when a flush scare card hits (holding ace high) and am mostly inactive due to how aggressive the table has become. There's an Australian player in seat 9 who I've played with numerous times and is incredibly loose with spastic bluff tendencies that I soon get involved in a pot with:
My stack: ~15,000, MP1: ~16,000, MP2: ~13,000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold AcQs on the button.
Preflop: Folds to MP1 who is the really spastic player, MP1 raises to 900, MP2 calls, folds to me on the button, I raise to 3600 (happy to get it in preflop vs MP1), folds back to MP1, MP1 calls, MP2 folds.
Flop: 8s 8h Js
MP1 checks, I check behind because he'll check shove as a bluff at too high a frequency and it'll be a really gross and annoying spot.
Turn: 5s
MP1 leads 3000, I move all in (this is probably for value against his range) and he folds after little thought. Just a few hands later I'm involved again:
My stack: ~27,000, BB: ~16,000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold Ac8c in MP1.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 800, folds to the BB, BB calls. BB is a loose player who is not very good post flop.
Flop: Kd Jd 2s
BB checks, I bet 1200, BB calls.
Turn: 7s
BB checks, I check.
River: Kc
BB bets 3000. I'm pretty confident this player isn't good enough to value bet many jacks ehre, and certainly not for such a large bet of 3000. I feel like the entirely of his range is trips or better and missed draw, of which there are numerous on this board. I make the call with ace high and get shown KQ. D'oh.
I lose a small pot when I raise 44 and a loose player shoves 12 BB's over my raise and I call then lose to his 88.
Through the 200/400 and 300/600 levels I only play a few pots and manage to mostly maintain my stack by taking down my fair share of blinds and antes. It's not until the 400/800 level that I get involved again:
My stack: ~25,000, UTG: ~25,000, blinds 400/800 with 100 ante, I hold 9s9c on the CO on a 7 handed table.
Preflop: UTG raises to 2500, folds to me on the CO, I call, three folds.
Flop: 7 6 5 rainbow
UTG bets 5500, I call.
Turn: 6
UTG checks, I check back.
River: K
Fuck. UTG seems to think about making a bet, stares over at me, then checks. I obviously check back. UTG tables AJo and I drag the pot.
By the 600/1200 level we're playing on the bubble and things have tightened up considerably. My table is six handed and we're one off the money when my next hand comes up.
My stack: 24,100, CO: ~80,000, blinds 600/1200 with 100 ante. I hold 8d8c on the HJ.
Preflop: UTG folds, I move all in for 24,100, the CO goes into the tank for quite a while then calls, the rest fold. I table 88 and he shows AK. A large crowd gathers hoping that I'll bust. I shrug and say nothing, totally apathetic to the results.
Flop: 3 4 6 rainbow
Turn: 6
River: J
"That's cool" I say calmly then start stacking up my new chips. The very next hand I get involved again:
My stack: ~50,000, Chufty: ~60,000 blinds 800/1600 with 200 ante. I hold AsTs UTG 6 handed.
Preflop: I raise to 4000, folds to online player 'Chufty' on the button, Chufty calls, both blinds fold.
Flop: A T A rainbow
Worst. Flop. Ever. I think over my bet briefly then fire 5500. Chufty calls.
Turn: J
I check, Chufty checks behind.
River: 7
I count out 13,500 then fire it into the pot. Chufty goes into the tank for a long time and a considerable crowd gathers since we're hand for hand and play at other tables has stopped. After a very long consideration he folds. A few minutes later we enter the money and I've got 62,000 going into it, slightly above average.
My table breaks and I find myself in a new seat with the line up on my right being Sorel Mizzi, Chufty, and StevoL. The players on my left are considerably weaker than those three, meaning I've landed the dream seat on this table. I pick up small pots to stay above water as players slip off and we near the final table. Eventually Sorel gets moved to the other table, putting Chufty directly next to me. We eventually get involved in a blind vs blind pot.
My stack: ~ 60,000, Chufty: ~140,000, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante, I hold 8c4c in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to Chufty in the SB, Chufty completes, I check.
Flop: 7h 8h 9d
Chufty bets 3000, I call.
Turn: Ad
Chufty thinks for a bit then fires 5500. Seems like a weird card for him to try and value town me with a nine, and I don't imagine he has an ace all that often here. Meanwhile I think there's a large number of draws he can fire multiple barrels with on this board, particularly blind vs blind. I call.
River: 8d
Chufty checks, I bet 12,500 he thinks it over and calls. I table my hand and he flashes an ace then asks me what the hell I called the turn for since "You only beat a bluff." For some reason I go into a polite rambling on my thought process, the end it with "Well that and I'm just a massive calling station."
At one point I watch Stevo lose a considerable pot when he gets A8o in vs A7o pre flop blind vs blind. The A7o ends up making runner runner straight after Stevo flopped top two, and watching it happen gave me a more sickened emotional reaction than any beat I'd took. Stevo manages to get his stack back up around 15 BB's before a pot comes up between the two of us while there are 10 left in the tournament:
My stack: ~90,000, Stevo: ~30,000, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante, I hold 9s9c at a 5 handed table on the button.
Prefop: Stevo open shoves, CO folds, I reshove, both blinds fold. Stevo shows AQo and we're off to the races.
Flop: 6 4 3
Turn: 4
River: 3
God I run good against Stevo live. We shake hands and everyone stops to count up their chips. My 120,900 chips puts me in fourth place, but I'm essentially tied for second. The final table isn't what I was hoping for given that it contains Sorel Mizzi, Chufty, Rkrouk, MonsterDong, and a 25/50 NL grinder. The other three I'm less familiar with though.
I give Stevo a ride home and we sit out on my porch discussing the tournament and smoking a small joint. I get to bed around 5am.
I wake up at 2pm. I grab a protein bar then head over to the gym and work out for the next hour. I get home, take a shower, then change into a suit. I leave my house at 3:28pm with the final table starting at 4pm. It's a roughly 10-15 minute drive to the casino.
Or so I thought. The streets into the city are absolutely jammed with stand still traffic. I've never seen anything like it or close to. What the fuck could everyone possibly need to get into Southbank at 3:30pm on a fucking Friday for? At 3:55pm I'm still stuck in traffic only half way there and I'm screaming obscenities and punch my steering wheel four times. The woman in the car next to me look at me like I'm crazy. Jarred calls and asks why I'm not there yet. My response is along the lines of
"I'M STUCK IN FUCKING TRAFFIC ON THE MIDDLE OF ST. KILDA FUCKING ROAD I MEAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHERE THE FUCK COULD ALL THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES BE GOING AT THIS TIME ON FUCKING FRIDAY DID THEY ALL SPONTANEOUSLY DECIDE TO JUST HAVE A FUCKING PICNIC GOD DAMN IT!!!"
I get parked at the Eureka parking center across the street from Crown and sprint the whole way down the Crown complex to the poker room. I arrive in the poker room at 4:30pm a half hour late in a suit dripping in sweat. I'm all apologies and explanations to Timex and all curse words at the table. I grab a few Kleenex to dry myself off then settle into the table and calm myself down. Luckily I'm the kind of cold person who turns his emotions on and off like a light switch, and once I'm seated I feel nothing. Besides, it turns out I've only missed an orbit, thanks to the pace of live poker.
I pick up a couple small pots and get my stack back over what it started at for the day. About 20 minutes into my play at the table I get involved in my first serious pot:
My stack: ~125k, HJ: ~80,000 blinds, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante. I hold KdKc UTG+1.
Preflop: UTG folds, I raise to 5000, folds to the HJ, HJ raises to 15,000, it folds back to me. The HJ is one of the unknown players on the table, a guy of perhaps 55 who I'm told isn't particularly good. Flatting seems like the clear play here since cramming will often get him to fold AK/JJ. I call.
Flop: 6s Qd 9s
I check, HJ bets 25,000, I move all in and HJ thinks for a about 5-10 seconds then says call and tables AcAs. I table my kings and mumble "Standuuuuuurd" to myself and roll my eyes.
Turn: 5s
River: 4c
I pass off the majority of my stack, but remind myself to stay cool. I'm involved the very next hand.
My stack: ~45,000, MP2: ~170k, Sorel: ~120k, blinds 1k/2k with 300 ante. I hold 9s9c UTG.
Preflop: I raise to 5000, folds to MP2, MP2 calls, folds to Sorel in the SB, Sorel calls, BB folds.
Flop: 6c 7c 8h
Sorel thinks then leads 14,400, I shove for 24,100 more than his bet, MP2 folds, Sorel makes the call and tables 55. The player between us remarks that he folded a 4.
Turn: 7h
River: 4d
I don't react but the crowd seems pretty disgusted. I shake Sorels hand and tell him good luck then loudly remark to the crowd "Guess I should've been an hour late!"
I grab some of the boys from the rail and we hit the bar and start downing drinks. We keep this up until we walk over to Transport but realize it's much too crowded and too old a crowd to enjoy. Numerous friends tell us they're heading over to the club 'Eve' so we make our way over. A group of about 10 of us meet up and we start cranking down red bulls, vodka redbull, and liquid cocaine.
Myself, Andy McLeod, Sirwatts, and Timex hit the dance floor and start tearing it up. The evening starts to become a blur. Conversations happen, I dance with various guys and girls, and I'm laughing my ass off but I can't seem to remember what at. Apparently I picked up some girls shoe she'd left by the dance floor and danced around waiving it in the air for 15 minutes. I have no memory of this. The final table was a bad beat, but it made for a damn good night.
Aussie Millions Update: At final table of $1000 rebuys
The amount of writing required to do the trip report for this event simply isn't feasible at the current hour. I've made the final table of the $1000 rebuys prelim event at the Aussie Millions fourth in chips but essentially tied for second. It's a very tough line up of guys and should be interesting to see how it turns out. We start up at 4pm Melbourne time.
Live reporting here: http://www.pokernews.com/live-reporting/
And pay outs:
1 160,326 AUD
2 120,098 AUD
3 82,203 AUD
4 53,927 AUD
5 37,895 AUD
6 30,607 AUD
7 22,737 AUD
8 16,907 AUD
9 11,077 AUD
Plus if you win you get a fancy gold Aussie Millions ring, perfect for pimp slapping all the fools I pity on a daily basis.
Interview with Poker Verdict
I'm a bit tired to write the third installment of the Aussie Millions trip reports for the moment, though I did recently do an interview for pokerverdict.com and got the link to it today. Here's the link: http://www.pokerverdict.com/Poker-Players-Club/Interviews/185849/player_interview_bond18.html
Will get back to the proper writing tomorrow night.
Aussie Millions Trip Report part 2, A bad play in a good day
It's been a while since I busted a live tournament thinking "Whoa that was fucking spewy." Event 2 of the Aussie Millions for me, the PokerPro $1000 no limit hold'em, was unfortunately the event that broke that streak. We started with 10,000 in chips and I lost 3000 playing small pots and losing basically all of them without doing anything dumb. Then a hand came up against a guy who had been fairly weak so far:
My stack: ~7000, MP1: ~9000, blinds 50/100. I hold Td7d on the HJ.
Preflop: Folds to MP1, MP1 calls for 100, folds to me on the HJ, I raise to 400, folds to the SB, SB calls, BB calls, MP1 calls.
Flop: Ad 9h 3d
SB checks, BB checks, MP1 checks, I bet 800, SB folds, BB folds, MP1 makes it 2200, I shove for about 6600.
And this is where we get retarded. The flop check raise range of a player who has open limped then checkraised me on this flop texture contains very few hands that fold to my cram. My only hope (and moment of spastic reasoning) was that the limper was perhaps check raising to see where he was with a weak suited ace he limped or might checkraise a diamond draw he wouldn't call most of is stack off with. Yea fucking right.
The limper snap called and tabled Ac3c and when my draw blanked out I was gone. I felt pretty stupid.
On the plus side, the actual day was excellent. I woke up and took the girl I'm seeing to work where we had breakfast. When I got to the poker room I bought in then at 12:25pm stood around wondering why nobody else seemed to be there for the event. Then I examined my receipt closer and discovered that the event actually starts at 4:30pm. Fucking brilliant.
After that I got the chance to head over Stevo's and watch American gridiron playoffs, which was so sweet. I miss football all the time when I'm here. I mean seriously, the Arizona Cardinals in the NFC championship? Jesus. When the game was over we went over to the casino for the tournament, which I've covered already.
Upon busting out I met up with Plattsburgh and we watched Seinfeld in his room, which after no matter how many viewings still manages to be awesome every time. Then we went for a swim in the sweet Crown spa pool which was a nice muscle relaxant after kicking the shit out of myself in the gym the previous day. I had to borrow a pair of Plattsburgh's shorts for the pool since I was wearing a suit and when I was done using it I told him "I apologize for getting so much balls hair in there."
Once dried off I headed out to pick up the girl from work. We went for Korean BBQ which is always so fucking good to the point that were they able to inject it into my veins, I'd do it. I'd baseline that shit. As is often the case with her, I had to stiff arm her and threaten her with further physical violence in order for her to let me pay the bill. Then we agreed it'd be nice to spend the night in, smoking pot and watching rented movies.
We drove over to the movie rental place and as I was walking down the aisle I suddenly stumbled upon a movie I had been eager to see since my friend Steve mentioned it to me. 'Super High Me', a comedic spin on 'Super Size Me' but this time relating to marijuana usage. According to my friend it was both educational and hilarious, and it seemed particularly fitting for the evening. I snap fist pump rented that shit. While we were in the movie store Jarred and Delaney called me looking for weed. I told them I'd hook them up with what little I had but they were going to have to come get it. They said they'd be over in 15 minutes.
We got back to my apartment and after setting our shit down took a seat on the couch. Conversation lasted a good 8 seconds or so before peoples tongues were in each others mouths and clothes were coming off. This progressed further and she started swearing at me for getting her riled up right before people come over.
"Fuck it, get in the bedroom" I said. "I'll check my phone quick and set it somewhere I can hear it in case." I checked the phone, five missed calls from Jarred. Son of a bitch.
"Shit, they're here. We should put some clothes on."
I called Jarred back and told him what the apartment number is. He and Delaney came up and we chatted a bit before rolling one up. The girl said she needed to run home for a bit to pick various things up. After she left I launched into a tirade at them, or as my vernacular developed at the moment "You cockblocking fucking bastards!" Then we all laughed about it and got blazed.
I suggested some Madden so we turned it on and I went heads up against Jarred. I hit one of those zones where my passes were put with just the right amount of loft and ran wild. After that we fired up the Wii for some tennis and golf. When we finished the girl got back and we rolled up another between the four of us. Jarred and Delaney realized it was about time to head out and set out to find a cab. And then we got back to the couch.
Aussie Millions Trip Report Part 1, Eat it Spaceman!
I arrive at Crown at 11:45am. The tournament starts at 12:30am and having failed to buy in the previous night I need to get it done this morning. I'd come in at 9pm last night hoping to buy in as during previous tournament series at Crown the registration booth had been open until 10pm. When I was informed that they had closed the booth at 7pm (and would all 'Aussie Millions') I resolved to make sure to wake up early enough to make it there in time to buy in without missing a hand.
When I enter the poker room a little before noon I immediately realize I'll be missing at least a few hands. The line for the event is enormous. Naturally I run into about a dozen people I know and must exchange pleasantries with but have to quickly excuse myself so I can get to the back of the line. I get to my table a little before 12:40, having missed nearly 10 minutes because Crown is actually consistent about starting their tournaments on time. We start with 5000 in chips with 40 minute levels and 10 handed. I'm seated at table 31 which is a sort of feature table right along the rail, which means any time I fold there's somebody I know along the rail to make small talk with. The whole table is quite relaxed and social as well, and when people bust out they often stand up and shake hands with everyone on the table and wish them luck. It is a very cordial affair, particularly for a poker tournament.
Through the early levels I play small pots of which there is very little multi street action. I don't play my first major pot until the 75/150 level:
My stack: ~6000, HJ: ~4000, blinds 75/150, I hold AhKh UTG+2.
Preflop: 2 folds, I raise to 400, UTG+3 folds, MP1 calls, MP2 folds, the HJ who is an older guy who is apparently a British pro makes it 1200, it folds back to me and I quickly slide everything into the middle except for a single green '25' chip which I tell the dealer "I'm leaving to bluff with." The flat caller quickly folds and the HJ tanks for quite some time before folding.
I play a few small pots during the first 100/200 level and lose some chips making a couple continuation bets that don't go my way. I don't get involved in a major pot again until the antes have kicked in:
My stack: ~6000, Cutoff: ~6000, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante, I hold AKo UTG+1.
Preflop: UTG folds, I raise to 600, it folds around to the CO, CO raises to 1800, folds back to me, I quickly slide my chips all in. Now the CO goes into the tank for quite a while and eventually gives a shrug and says "Call." He tables 99 and we're off to the races.
Flop: A J 4 rainbow
Turn: 5
River: 8
The CO stands up and says good luck to everyone then walks off. The dealer is about the slide his entire stack my way then looks at them both and decides he should count it. It winds up that the CO has 50 chips left and they shout at him to come back to the table. He busts the next hand.
Just a few hands later I'm involved again:
My stack: ~12,000, SB: ~20,000, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante, I hold A3o on the button.
Preflop: Folds to me on the button, I raise to 600, SB calls, BB calls.
Flop: 3c 8s Qs
SB checks, BB checks, and I check behind because I think one of them peels or checkraises me at too high a frequency to continuation bet here. The SB in this hand is Crown regular Marwan Nassif who is very familiar with how aggressive I am and certainly willing to call me down light.
Turn: Qd
SB checks, BB checks, and now I decide to bet for value. I count out 1100 and drop them into the pot. Marwan calls fairly quickly and the BB folds.
River: 4d
Marwan checks and I check behind knowing that most of his range is mid pairs that won't fold to me and draws that won't pay off a value bet. I say "two pair" and proudly table the A3 and he mucks, telling me he had AsJs.
At some point in the day Zpaceman winds up on the table a few seats on my left. He raises my BB and I playfully but viciously berate him then tell him a spite BB raise is coming his way. A few orbits later at the 150/300 level I'm on the CO when he's in the BB and I announce preflop "Here it comes Stu" then load up 800 chips in my left hand ready to smash them into the pot. I wasn't seriously planning on raising any two cards, but the two players between us are huge nits so I decide I'll play around and raise pretty wide. Naturally it folds to me on the CO and when I peek down at K5o I fling my chips into the pot and tell him "Eat it Spaceman!" It folds to him in the BB and he flashes two rags and folds. I flash him a king and a smile.
I continue building my stack at the 150/300 level by taking down small and medium pots and finding a nice string of quality pre flop hands. After a couple orbits of accumulation I get involved in a large pot:
My stack: ~18,000, Marwan: ~16,000, UTG: ~5,500, UTG+2: ~12,000, BB:~9,000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold KcQc on the button.
Preflop: UTG limps. UTG is an older guy who is new to the table and he looks like the type that could either limp big pairs here or be way too loose and open limp too much. I'm not sure what to think of it. UTG+1 folds, and a New Zealander who seems like a mostly recreational player makes it 750 next to act. It folds around to me and I'm unsure what to think of his raise size and flat call. Marwan calls on the button, the SB folds, the BB calls, and UTG calls as well. Getting interesting here.
Flop: 7c 8d 9c
BB checks, UTG checks, UTG+2 bets 3000, I'm pretty confident he's got an over pair at this stage so I have anywhere of 9-15 outs (and probably a small but pretty miniscule amount of fold equity) and raise to 9,000 (which in retrospect is probably not better than shoving because it's live poker where all ins are scary and people think I could do something insane like raise/fold this flop at these stacks), then Marwan announces all in for what turns out to be 15,800, the BB folds, UTG folds, UTG+2 goes into the tank and folds, and I tell Marwan "Well, I can't fold, let's see if I can suck you out, call!" Marwan tables JhTh and UTG+2 said he folded aces. I'm pretty sure whoever wins this pot will be chip leader of the tournament.
Turn: 3s
The rail is crowded with people and the dealer stalls dramatically before whipping over the river card.
River: 6s
I start laughing at Marwan having to watch two black cards come down and tell him nice hand. I count out the necessary chips and slide them over to him; I have a bit under 3000 left. Shit. One hand later we go on break and everyone asks how I donked off my stack.
When we come back from break I shove 8To in mid position and everyone folds. The next hand I peek down at 22 and shove my 3950 by announcing "ARRRRRRRRRIN!" A guy with 900 chips in late position calls then an old guy in the SB with about 5000 chips flat calls. Oh God I am so dead. The BB folds and I announce "I got a pair!" then whip over my deuces. The late position player shows AK and the SB tables JJ. Zpaceman tells me he folded a 2. Just perfect.
Flop: A 5 7
Turn: 3
Everyone watching on the rail starts chanting for a four. That would be pretty sick.
River: 7
I tap the table and wish everyone luck then stroll through the poker room asking everyone I can find if they want to get food. One of the floor women comes over and asks me why I'm always so dressed up and if I even own a pair of shorts, as I have a Zegna on today. I tell her "I have a stricter dress code than the casino." I find a few guys and we take a group of four to 'Number 8'. Half way into dinner our group of four has turned into seven and that's before Stevo and Chris show up. They decide to go sort money issues while we finish our dinner, which obviously kicks ass because that's how 'Number 8' rolls.
After dinner a group of nearly a dozen meets up in a Crown café and discuss how we donked off our stacks, except for the few who didn't play today. Stevo has brought a joint and we walk over to the river front (a good 20 meters or so from the Crown entrance) and fire it up. There are six or seven of us passing it around and even though we don't get much each it's my student's special super weed so we're all pretty baked. To quote Dave Chappelle "That shit is the snip snap snizzle!"
Those of us who haven't eaten yet decide they need food so we go over to 'Meat and Wine Co' and we somehow get a table for 10 despite it being 9pm on a Friday night in the middle of Southbank. We have to spend 20 minutes in the bar before our table is ready and by the time we get there I'm five beers and a moderate amount of super weed into the evening, making me pretty properly ripped up. Even though I've already eaten I'm stoned enough to order a 200 gram steak. When it arrives Zpaceman starts giving me shit for my "pussy steak" and I start brandishing my stake knife around and threatening him with it. Meanwhile 'Delaney Kid' has a giant platter of ribs and steak in front of him which will clearly give him blood clotting despite his only being 19 or some young ass age like that.
After dinner the group dissipates as some go home and some get ready to head out to some kind of rave like club. I elect not to do the rave thing because they apparently suck if you don't take pills (which I don't) and because I'm told that it would be absolutely insane to go there in my suit. Instead Chris, Zpaceman and I go over to the cigar bar above 'Transport' and sit outside while I lit up a cigar. We order mojitos. I don't think it's a gay drink.
Why Aussie Millions kicks so much ass
It really is the best tournament series. My entire day was a breeze. I woke up and played my normal 7ish hours of tournaments and unfortunately didn't make any final tables. After that I went for a brief run, its briefness being uncommon these days as I'm constantly at Albert Park for 45 minutes an evening. I organized a dinner amongst a number of groups of friend, which wound up being 10 going out to Koreana BBQ in Richmond.
It was a diverse group containing Zpaceman, Plattsburgh, Annette15, StevoL, Justin, Yang, Dave, Darren, Trung, and myself. I spent the majority of the evening apologizing to Dave Lee for getting him in extremely hot shit with his girlfriend. I'm also here to make a public apology which according to Dave may help to smooth things over to a degree.
While at dinner last Friday Dave's fiancé Phung (oh man if I spelled her name wrong this apology is going so askew) mentioned that this would be their last night together since the Aussie Millions started up for Dave the next day.
"Bullshit! He lied to you; they don't start till the 9th!" I blurt.
Her eyes lit up and Dave gave me a look like I kicked him directly in the nuts.
"No, no! Its satellite week!" he protested.
"Oh we're gonna talk about this" she said.
I quickly realized the enormity of my mistake
"No, no, no, no, no wait he's telling the truth there is a bunch of satellites this week! There's a ton, he's...you know, showing ambition!"
But it was too late. Women are fickle creatures. Dave got his ass handed to him for hours. I'm sorry I fucked that up so hard Dave. I remember those nights where "a talk about this" was inevitable. I feel your pain my friend. My bad.
After dinner at the Korean joint we headed over to a friend's to play a home game. Annette decided to sit to my immediate left and flat over 90% of my opens. Eventually play got to a strange point and I got a set up hand in my favor:
My stack :$550
Annette: $800
I'm UTG with AsJh. Blinds $5/$5.
Preflop: I raise to $20, Annette min raises to $40, it folds back to me, I consider my options then click it back to $60, Annette calls.
Flop: 2d 7d Jc
I bet $80, Annette makes it $160, I go all in, Annette says "Snap call!" out loud. She tables Jd4d and I've got 12 outs to dodge.
Turn: 6h
River: 3c
That was my largest pot of the night and I won in the area of $600. There was about 15 people in the apartment all laughing their asses off and telling stories, the perfect atmosphere for a home game. At about 12:30 a group of six of us made our way back to my apartment and sat outside on my massive porch. We smoked two joints and sat outside laughing our asses off. The summer night was cool and pleasant and my porch is so big I could have 30 over without issue. Then we came in and watched the Wayne Brady episode of Chapelle. It was fucking brilliant.
Now I'm just chilling in my apartment fairly baked listening to music which sounds amazing. I'm debating filling out the interview PokerVerdict has sent me in this state. That could make for some interesting answers. It's been a damn good day.
12 hour later edit: See this is why I never write after smoking, I just use the same words and phrases over and over, totally unaware that I'd used them in the previous sentence.
It’s only a week away
That’s right; the Aussie Millions is only a week away. Less actually, five days if we must get super technical. As I’ve mentioned somewhere in the area of infinity times, the Aussie Millions is my absolute favorite tournament series of the year. It’s a great three weeks because on top of having a great tournament schedule all my friends will be in the same place during the best month of the year in Melbourne. I’ve informed everyone near me that during those two weeks you can always find me either in the poker room or at Transport Bar at Federation Square where they have a giant beer list and the tennis on TV all night.
As the series approaches I’ve talked to a number of players and friends around the Australian poker scene who tell me they expect to do things because they “Want it so bad” or “Feel due.” For the love of God people, please stop talking like this. There is no ‘due’ in poker or in gambling. There is no ‘wanting it’. I don’t care how prepared you are, or how much this tournament ‘means to you’, that shit is irrelevant. Tournament poker is a cruel mistress and all that matters at the end of the day is that you sit there making as close to optimal decision as possible over and over again. If anything I’d think really ‘wanting’ a tournament and having some degree of emotional investment in it only adds another liability. If something goes wrong and you have so much of yourself invested you just might lose your cool. This isn’t a sport and it shouldn’t feel like gambling.
Anyway, I put a considerable amount of thought into my book today. I’ve decided to approach a large number of other players I have major respect for and ask for their help making this the most kick ass tournament poker book ever. Here’s the PM I’ve sent them all:
“Hey Guys,
So I’m sending this message out to a number of people, which is why it's written so informally. As you may or may not be aware of, I’ve decided to write a book on tournament poker. I’ve sent you this message because you’re one of the people in the poker world that impress me the most; not only with your game but with your ability to discuss concepts. I’d really like as many of you involved on this project as possible. I’ve even had some of you involved in the articles before, and again let me thank you for that.
I’m forming the book on the back bone of the ‘Things it took me a while to learn’ series, which deal primarily with tournament poker but occasionally touch on other subjects. I’d like to expand and elaborate considerably on what I’ve already written, as well as include several new topics. I won’t be designing this book for beginners as I think the market for that sort of thing is saturated and quite honestly, it just wouldn’t be very interesting for any of us to write.
I have a more peculiar method in mind for the style of the book. I remember back when I read a considerable amount of poker books that I’d have difficulty maintaining my focus on them over a long period of time because they were very technical and bland. Few mixed in humor and interesting anecdotes and as a result I often found them difficult to read for a sustained amount of time. What I was thinking for this particular book was to mix the highly technical and mathematical strategy information with occasional stoppages for something breezier. Essentially, I’m thinking that between every few chapters of poker knowledge would be something I’d title “Stories from the poker world” where either I or another writer simply tell a personal story about the tournament world or the poker world in general that was entertaining, amusing, or interesting.
I know that many of you are very busy and if you’re not interested whatsoever please let me know and I totally understand. I’m willing to take any amount of content from you guys, anything from a paragraph to a page to a chapter. If you have a specific topic you’d like to cover please let me know, and if you have no idea just have a conversation with me and we’ll come up with something for you. If you do decide to write one of the “Stories from the poker world” I’d encourage you to do so entirely uncensored. I will not edit your content (though I will have an editor for grammar, spelling, etc.)
Anyway, please let me know if this is something you’d like to be a part of. I’m not quite sure how to handle the issue of compensation at the moment and will be discussing that with more experienced authors. I have not submitted my idea to any publishers and at the moment am considering using one of the online self publishing companies instead. I was also considering Ebook format, though am unsure how large an issue piracy would be.
Cheers, Tony”
That gives a pretty good summation of the direction I want to take the book in. If you’re curious who all I sent that to and want to get involved the list is: Jman28, SEABEAST, Adanthar, Jurollo, Nath, Ansky, djk123, MaverickUSC, mlagoo, yellowsub, aejones, luckychewy, psyduck, shaundeeb, THAY3R, gobo, LearnedfromTV, mastr, Sirwatts, Timex, Foucault, AJKHoosier, SCTrojans, Gboro, Apestyles, Assassinato. I’ll also be approaching Lee Nelson, Greg Raymer, and Barry Greenstein.
I have no idea how many of them will choose to get involved. If they all said yes I think I’d bust a nut. If I got 10 I’d be thrilled. I guess we’ll find out over the next couple of days. I’ll be trying to write my portion of the book (and it’s going to be a lot) all before Friday.
I’ve been thinking about the way I write a lot lately. I’ve realized that for me, writing is not only a hobby but a necessity. If I don’t thoughts get stuck in my head and fly around bothering me at all times. Then when I try to close my eyes and go to sleep at night they’re all still there and wont’ shut up. The only way to get them out is on paper. That or get really baked which temporarily blocks them out. For the moment I have a hurricane of ideas swirling around my head, so after I finish playing over the next few days I intend to sit down and crank out pages in a Dostoyevskyesque fervor. Hopefully I’ll get some sleep before Fridays Aussie Millions opening event. After that I can focus on how to work in everyone else’s content.
Ow, my fucking head
There's no reason for me to be hung over. I wasn't even that drunk last night. I sat around the casino for hours waiting to sober up drinking water and eating food so I could drive home legally, constantly going back to the breathalyzer machine hoping it'd read .05. I mean seriously .05, you pussy ass Australians, where I come from its .1, I thought you people were a nation of drunks and moderately proud of that? Where's your national sense of adventure?
Despite being exhausted when I got home I was awake in bed for at least half an hour. I got to sleep somewhere around 6am. I woke up at 8:30am feeling like hell. My insides feel like they are on fire. My eyes are blood shot and bleary but I can't seem to fall back asleep. My feet hurt something awful. I need to get more comfortable brown shoes. I don't have the energy to bring the glass of water in front of me to my mouth. I seem able to type though.
Sure any day you start drinking at 3pm probably won't end well. At least I did not end up at my friends house at 6am doing lines of coke like some of my other mates did. I imagine they are still up. I don't do drugs, except marijuana of course. Perhaps I should smoke some now? I've never tried other drugs though I have nothing against those who partake. I actually find it all rather amusing to watch, and it often makes for great writing material.
The girl I'm seeing left me a note before she left yesterday morning for work. It sits behind my keyboard. It reads "Don't forget to take Medicine. Hope you getting better today. Miss Ya XoXo xxxxxxxxxxx" She has drawn hearts instead of dots over the 'I's'. That means she's not a transvestite. That and she doesn't have a penis. Microsoft word wants me to turn the 'doesn't' in the previous sentence into 'don't' but I'm almost positive that's incorrect. She's a sweet girl though. She comes over and cooks and cleans for me, despite my telling her "Damn it woman, I have a cleaner for that!" She did my laundry the other day, some if it is lying outside hoping to dry out. It's currently raining. I'm not going to do anything about it. I did not follow her instructions though. I did not get better. I feel like I might vomit. I don't get it; I was fine when I went to sleep. Seriously. I did not see her last night. It was the first New Years Eve I didn't have sex in quite some time. 2009 can go fuck itself. 2008 was a pretty good year; I got considerably richer through a combination of absurd swapping luck and a work ethic so obsessive it had the power to ruin a relationship. I'm not bragging here, but it's nice to know nobody can ever fuck with me again.
I'd like to continue on that thought as long as I'm rambling. While I won't get into numbers I now have enough money that I feel like nobody can ever fuck with me again, at 24. I'm not rich in the sense that I can buy a big house and a Ferrari and live like a balla for the rest of my life, but I don't ever have to take some job I hate ever again. I'm a nit with my money really, I stick it in the bank in term deposits and CD's looking for the lowest variance approach possible. I don't ever have to take shit from anyone ever again. If I write my book and all the publishers I submit it to tell me they want to heavily edit the content I can tell them to all go fuck themselves and release it for free and not care about the loss of income. I won't tell them to go fuck themselves because it's unprofessional and you shouldn't burn bridges like that, but I know I'll be thinking it.
I remember when I was 17 and worked as a shoe salesman at 'Finish Line'. God it was the worst job. I wanted to tell my boss to go fuck himself more than anything in the world, but I needed the income. That and I didn't have the spine at 17. Now I don't ever have to take an order from any asshole ever again (outside rather obvious people of authority such as police and government.) I never really wanted to be very wealthy or powerful or influential. I don't care. I'd rather have total authority over my time and my health, that's all I want. Health is way more important than most people my age understand. I'm 24 and I feel my own mortality. When I talk to people back home they are talking about their careers. Some are talking about marriage and children. I think one friend from high school is already a dad and it was planned. The first girlfriend I ever had has had two kids already. It was in 5th grade and I had to be dared to hug her. She broke up with me for Ben Maggio. Fucking Maggio. He was a nice guy though; I think he plays quite a bit of poker these days. I bet I could beat him heads up. Perhaps that would impress my twice impregnated ex from 14 years ago?
I want to go back to talking about health though. I've dished out a lot of advice in this blog, but if I could impart just one piece to everyone who reads this it's to take care of your health. You only get one body. You won't be young forever. If you work out you'll look and feel better. Clothes will fit better. You'll fuck better. You'll live longer. You greatly reduce your chances of health complications down the road. You really want diabetes you stupid mother fucker? I didn't think so. Go to the gym. They say you don't know what you got until it's gone. Don't find out the hard way when it comes to your health. I met this guy in a bar in the Dominican Republic once who had a theory about life. He was quite drunk. He wrote it all down on a napkin for me, which I kept for some time. He wrote that happiness in life is wealth plus time divided by health and elaborated that you could have everything in life but if you're laid up in a hospital bed none of it has any value. Then he started rambling about some Dominican girl he'd met recently. "God she was SO fucking black!" he bellowed excitedly. Some guy at another table asked him to please keep it down and take it easy. Then the napkin guy went off and called the other guys chick fat and nearly got himself in a fight. The girls name was Rhonda. Rhonda's do seem to be pretty big chicks.
Man that trip to the Dominican Republic was ridiculous. Prostitutes would walk the beaches at night and come up to us teenagers and gesture towards their mouth saying "Goma Goma!" They asked to come to my room and sleep with me. I did my best to explain in very broken Spanish that I had no desire to sleep with them. I remember one night this guy I met got jumped by a fat prostitute on the beach who stole his glasses. He was small and wasted and agreed to pay $50 to get his glasses back. After he gave her the money she dropped them on the ground and broke them with her foot and ran off. I fooled around with a girl for my very first time on that trip. I didn't pay for it. It was awesome. A year later her giant father would catch her in my room at 5:45am when I was staying in their house and threatened to kill me. I'll remember his exact words for the rest of my life: "YOU THINK YOU WORK OUT WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING; IT'D TAKE ME ABOUT 12 SECONDS TO BREAK YOUR NECK!!!" This triggered a massive family fight between the father, daughter, and mother, with the mother screaming "WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" while I stood there terrified. I did not sleep well that night. The things we do for a piece of tail, though I never had sex with her. Seven years later she still IM's me sometimes, but only to ask who I vote for and then tell me I'm "everything that's wrong with this country" for not voting Republican. I remember once in college I got super drunk and convinced her to send me naked pictures. Sweet.
I think that's enough for now. I've been writing for like an hour. I'm going to go crawl into bed and see if I can sleep. If I can't I guess I'll just start playing tournaments at 11am. Happy New Years mother fuckers. I've been watching Chapelle's show again.
Edit: Fuck it, tournament time.