Around the World in 150 Days, Day 5, A return to normalcy
April 11th, Honolulu: By far one of the most interesting aspects of my around trip so far has been interacting with what I refer to as 'normal people' again. I consider 'normal people' to be anyone who exists outside the poker and general gambling world, and I do not use the term with any disrespect. If anything, the more time I spend in poker the more I wish I had a more active social life with normal people.
Up until a few months ago I didn't have a single friendship with anyone in the entire country of Australia outside of poker; acquaintances maybe, but not a single friend. I only recently made some by joining another online community, the world of pick up. Up until that point, every casual and recurring social interaction I'd engaged in had essentially been within the poker world for what I now realize was a period of years. I still have some friends back home in Wisconsin who are well outside of it, but I haven't regularly hung out with them since last I left Wisconsin in 2006.
Up until a few months ago I felt increasing nostalgia for the normal world. The thing about poker is that it's a game that pits you against everyone else there, and it's essentially your goal to bust and break them, to take everything they have. I increasingly think this mind set carries over to people's social mentalities within the poker world, that many poker players would happily fuck each other over if they felt it advantaged themselves, sometimes even if they would call each other friends. Perhaps I am being naive and this is simply the way of the world, that it's no different in any regular business setting, but I think the lack of rules and boundaries in the poker community makes it especially prevalent, particularly when combined with high levels of gambling, drug use, and a lack of women within the industry.
That's not to say I haven't made some very good friends that I consider quite trust worthy within the poker community, but I find myself viewing anyone outside my very close circle with a high level of suspicion and scrutiny. Above all though, I feel that because poker is not 'fair' (especially tournament poker) it is a breeding ground for envy and ego, and the combination of the two is poison to relationships. It kills me to admit it, but for a very long time there was a short list of people that I would feel more 'happy for' than 'envious of' when they did well in a major tournament. In my defense, I am nowhere close to alone in this.
Over the last few months I've attempted to alter my mind set on the issue. I try to think that if I consider a person a genuine friend, that I should always be glad to see them succeed, and if they've been especially crushing (AKA especially running good) lately then I'll send them a compliment yet honest message that recognizes and admits to that twinge of jealousy, perhaps something that reads "Jesus man you are so sick, major congrats...now stop making me look bad you stupid fucking rich ass luckbox mother fucker." Or if it's a person I think has run above expectation and doesn't seem to appreciate it, instead of just bitching behind their back I'll just come out and talk to them about it and try to impart some understanding of variance (not that I haven't been guilty on the unappreciative side.) Mostly though I've been trying to not concern myself with the results of others and spend my time focusing on self improvement, be it within my poker game or other areas of my life (because clearly, the answer to my issues is to become more self involved.) After having done this for a while I feel much better about my place within poker. I feel good when I see people I call friends or would consider excellent players and nice people do well, and I try not to be bothered by those that congratulate me to my face but wish ill of me behind my back. I no longer feel the need to speak poorly of others unless they absolutely deserve it, and if I feel the need to talk about another person's poker game I try to phrase it in a way that is a direct criticism of solely their game, and not their person unless it's somehow relevant. Don't worry though; I'm not going to stop calling Mark Seif a scum bag Absolute poker cock swallowing piece of shit, or Shannon Elizabeth an evil D-list bitch, or Phil Hellmuth a self worshiping abrasive media whore who has a competition with himself to see if his personality or poker game can be more of a joke, any time soon.
Best I can tell it comes down to letting go of greed. As far as I know nobody is completely free of desire (whoa, we're getting into some Buddhist shit here) but what seems to corrupt people, to drive them to the social mentality I just spent nearly three pages raging against, is unbridled greed without any self analysis or perspective. Be it for money, or power, or fame, or women, or action, or what have you, there is inevitably something that we are all lusting for. I would never go so far to say that it's unquestionably bad; after all it can be a very effective motivator, even to do things which are good actions. But when it twists you to the point that you can't appreciate that which you are fortunate to have (and anyone in their 20's or teens making six figures a year playing a silly card game during a recession is quite fortunate in my opinion, no matter how deserving or hard they worked.) So sit back and enjoy it, it's a pretty good life to have. If you don't believe me have a conversation with a normal person about what you do, unless of course their hardcore anti gambling, in which case they'll just shake their head at you and inform you in a condescending tone that "The house always wins. You'll lose it all." That never seems to happen to me anymore though, and most seem enthralled and interested to hear more. And it's very good to be talking to them again.