Relative Happiness, Part 1
Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I actually have some
pretty exciting news to report, which will make clear why I've been
busy.
As of today, my girlfriend and I are officially homeless. No, I'm
not busto. She's currently between jobs, and I can play poker from
anywhere, so we decided to go (at least) a few months without a
permanent residence. The plan was to buy a large car, throw most of our
belongings into a storage facility, and then travel the country doing
some combination of camping and short-term rentals. There are some cool
websites where you can find people either looking to rent out their
apartments for a week to a month or a so while they are on vacation or
who just have an extra room that they rent out for far cheaper than
you'd pay at a hotel.
Buying the car was a really unpleasant experience, which is annoying
because it's such a major purchase and an important decision. I feel
like it ought to be fun and exciting instead of stressful and
high-pressure. We even made an effort to visit only dealerships with a
reputation for not being particularly sleazy or pulling standard car
dealer tactics. We thought we'd found a place we liked, and while we
were test driving, our interactions with the salespeople were far more
comfortable and pleasant than they'd been at any other dealership.
Truthfully, that might actually be a liability, as I at least would
probably have an easier time negotiating a price with a sleazy used car
salesman than with a sweet, grandmotherly woman or chummy outdoorsy guy.
Anyway, we finally made a decision about the car we wanted. This
place bragged loudly and often about being an "Undealership" where they
didn't play a lot of games, but the second we started talking about
money, the whole tenor of the conversation changed. We sat down, I made
an offer that was deliberately low but not absurd, and the heretofore
friendly guy who'd shown us the car basically snapped at me and gave
me, in a very condescending tone, an explanation of their pricing.
I made a slightly higher offer, with the promise to buy on the spot
at that price, and he warmed up immediately but did the whole "take it
to the manager routine". He left us waiting for 15-20 minutes, then
came back, in an aggressive mood, with a price that was $100 below
sticker. When we balked at this and asked a question about the car, he
basically told us he wasn't going to waste any more time with us if we
weren't serious. Even though we really had little option but to buy
this car very soon, we walked out.
On the drive home, I was visibly shaking and could feel the
adrenaline coursing through my body. Frankly, as a poker player, I was
ashamed. I've kept my composure when bluffing for thousands of dollars
or playing for far more than that at the WSOP, but I get worked up
about haggling over a couple hundred dollars? Something about the whole
experience was just really upsetting to me, and I think it has to do
with the nature of the "game" being played.
At the poker table, deception is entirely expected and accepted as a
legitimate tactic. Thus, I'm perfectly comfortable bluffing or
blatantly staring down an opponent to figure out whether he is trying
to deceive me. I think I would feel similarly comfortable if I were
negotiating at a dealership where, although they certainly don't say
it, they don't really make a secret of the fact that you're going to
have to put up a fight if you want a good price (though maybe not- I
understand they can be quite adept at making you uncomfortable).
Outside of such situations, though, etiquette and social norms exist
that discourage this kind of behavior. When interacting with others, I
strive to be friendly, polite, honest, and to put my interlocutors at
ease. These social conventions exist for a reason. Even though it might
benefit an individual to behave otherwise in any given situation, we
generally recognize that human society functions better when everyone
adheres to these standards of behavior.
When people exploit these norms for their own advantage, I feel
taken advantage of and it upsets me. It's like angleshooting at the
poker table. I'm comporting myself in a particular way in good faith
that those around me will reciprocate. When they don't, and especially
when they take advantage of the fact that I am being presumptively
courteous to them, it pisses me off. If it were clear to me up front
that this was going to be no-holds-barred negotiation, I would have
been a lot less forthcoming during our preliminary conversations and
opened with a much lower offer. I took them at their word, and was
literally speechless when it became clear to me that that had been
unreliable.I think that I was so upset not so much because of the
stress of the situation as because I felt betrayed.
I should add that the next day, we got a follow-up call from the
guy's supervisor and worked out an acceptable price over the phone. I
think it was no more than $300 more than what would have been their
lowest price had it not become clear to them that we were set on buying
this car. There wasn't any pressure to buy an extended warrant or rust
coating or any of that bullshit, and we actually managed to get the
paperwork and what not done rather efficiently, so it wasn't an
entirely negative experience. I am confident that there aren't going to
be any unpleasant surprises with the car now that we have it, which has
to be a consideration when buying a used car.
This is getting long, so check back soon for Part 2, when the title
of this post will make more sense. Thanks for reading, if you made it
this far!