We have all been there. You feel the anger tighten your stomach muscles and chest when you realize your pocket Aces have been cracked by some rag hand, such as 2-3 off-suit. The thoughts swirl in your head as the frustration builds; “Why would he call my pre-flop raise with those cards & how could they possibly hit for 2 pair?” As you replay the scenario in your mind, you can only shake your head in total amazement. Your heart and mind are jumbled with anger, frustration, disgust, rage, and total disbelief.

The notion of the classic “poker face” has us believe that poker is played optimally in an emotional vacuum. We are expected to be stoic, unflappable, and cold. We see statue-like players at the tables all the time. They mask their faces with sunglasses, baseball caps, and use their hands to cup their face. They hardly ever speak, except to modestly call out their intentions to call or raise. They never outwardly celebrate a win, nor do they pout after a loss. This does certainly not mean that they are devoid of emotionality.

All human beings are driven by emotions. Psychologist Alfred Adler theorized that all behavior is purposeful. The goals of our actions can almost always be boiled down to basic physiological needs or emotional needs. We simply attempt to act in ways that will best allow us to feel happy, powerful, confident, proud, etc. Likewise, we act to avoid negative emotions like frustration, sadness, embarrassment, and psychological pain. Our poker table persona is nothing more than an extension to our true selves. With that, there is no way that we can really detach ourselves from the emotions that exist beneath the surface. In other words, our goal should never be to become emotionless. This is a distinct impossibility. Instead, we should be searching for a way to hone and focus or emotions to benefit us at the tables. Likewise, we need to constantly check ourselves and our emotions to be sure that they are not negatively affecting our game.

Keeping cool does not mean repressing or denying emotions. If that 2-3 off-suit sucks out a sizable portion of your chips when you held pocket Aces, some tough emotions and thoughts will indeed rise to the surface. The true challenge is using that bad beat as a positive motivator, as an emotional and mental test.

One of the most successful players of all-time, Phil Hellmuth, clearly plays without always masking his emotions. In fact, he has a reputation for dramatically displaying disappointment after a tough beat. “I’m passionate, you know. I am a passionate person,” he explains. “Yeah, I can bear down when I have to. I like playing with joy. I like playing with passion. I love the game, you know. It is not just grinding.” His understanding of his own emotions has helped him to become one of the most recognizable figures in poker. He does not work to deny them, he just works to “bear down” and refocus after they take hold.

When emotions begin to flare at the table, use some cues to remind yourself of the true task at hand. I encourage players to use their chip marker as such a tool. Each time you place the marker on top of your hole cards, for instance, take a moment to exhale and clear your mind of unhelpful thoughts or burdening emotions. Like a basketball player who has a routine before each foul shot, such a habit will soon feel natural and easily produce the outcome you desire. Likewise, evaluate your play and emotions for the entire previous round each time the dealer button passes you by. Such exercises will help you to identify when your game is starting to unravel, which may help you to know when to take a break. When the steam boils over and you recognize that your emotions have you on tilt, use your cognitive savvy to out-think your emotions. Take a stroll away from the table and pause to visualize yourself meeting success. Remind yourself that you are a capable, formidable player. Expect greatness from yourself, despite any poor luck and bad beats that may undermine those efforts. Mostly, turn your anger into resolve, and your frustration into motivation, to meet more success at the tables. Don’t run from your emotions, control them!

In addition to being a poker columnist and lecturer, John is a National Certified Counselor (NCC). He has a Master of Arts degree in Counseling from West Virginia University, and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology with a minor in Sociology from Lock Haven University. You can arrange for interviews, speaking engagements, or find out more about the psychology of poker by emailing carlisle14@hotmail.com.